Eight Years in the Wilderness

I love how just a few posts ago I was posting about my Sunday's Spiritual experiences and one of them had to do with the Lord's time.  Waiting.  I mentioned how even though Lehi's family was commanded to leave Jerusalem, they were not without trial, nor did they find their destination right away.  The Lord told them to do it.  They did it.  It was hard.  They tarried in the wilderness for eight years before coming to the Promised Land.  They eventually reached their destination.  That being said, I think Joe and I might be tarrying in our "wilderness" a little longer than we'd like.  Joe wrote the dreaded exam today and he did not get the grade he needed for us to move to Ontario this January for school.  The last six practice exams he took were fine (with the exception of his very last one).  Above and beyond the grade he needed.  But somehow, his exam today just did not happen for whatever reason.  It is frustrating and disheartening, but all I can think of is perhaps this is just not the Lord's timing for us.  I am a little relieved that I will not have to be packing up our house during the Christmas Holidays, driving a van full of kids across the country in the middle of winter, and saying goodbye to all of our friends and family over the next couple weeks.  Sigh.  No.  That can wait until September.  Well, that's our hopeful plan anyway.  But what now?

Eight months of wilderness, here we come!

Bangs

I've had bangs for so long that I haven't realized what my forehead looks like underneath that layer of hair.  Lines.  Worry-creases.  Permie-scowl-marks.  I try to relax my face but the lines don't got away.

I got old and didn't even realize it.

How did this happen to me?  It's like not appreciating the body I had before having kids.  Not only was it stretch-mark free and relatively flat (my belly), but it didn't ache and hate me after a simple Stake-volleyball tournament like the one I just played last weekend (my bones).  I'm still relatively sore from it and I only played three games.  Sad.  I didn't appreciate it when I had it and now it's gone.  And by "gone" I mean... well, ...old!  Not only does my body yell at me that it's getting elderly and less able, my face is now telling me to keep my bangs.  Like till the day I die.  My forehead and I are not friends.  Not anymore.  On the day of my 30th birthday, I remember thinking, "Why do people think 30 is old?  I don't feel old.  I am still 16 at heart.  Blah, blah, blah..."  Well, now that I am well INTO my thirtieth year (almost thirty-ONE people), I can now say that my body feels old and my skin is most certainly not crease-free.  My mind may still be sixteen (except for when I forget things.  And when I say "things" I mean everything), but my body hates me.  I can't eat like I did even a year ago and get away with it.  I can't expect to stay fit doing the same exercise routine I did at 20 and think that it will do the same thing for me now.  I can't laze around in the sun without a hat or sunscreen.   When did my body stop working?  And when did my face start showing it?  I am grumpy.  In case you couldn't tell.  I am sure in ten years I will be mad at myself for not appreciating my 30-year-old-only-slightly-wrinkled face.

Bangs.

I hope they never go out of style.

Sleigh Bells Ring

My community is awesome. So, for the past few years they've had sleigh rides pulled by these beautifully HUGE horses and each year we keep missing it. Well, I was NOT going to let that happen again this year, so we got all wintered-up and walked over to the park where all the action was. I had no idea it was going to be such a big deal. It was a happenin' place!  (But the party officially began when we arrived, of course).  There was hot chocolate, cookies, hay bales surrounding a few fire pits for people to roast marshmallows (or just warm up their hands). And most importantly, it was warm. Warm... ish.  Just not minus 20, so I'll take it! 
Mitts are a new thing for Ellie. So of course, her favourite activity of the night was pulling them right off and handing them back to me while squealing, "Heeee! Heeee!" ("Here! Here!") It was a fun game. Or was it?  She also kept putting them on her cheeks to warm them up whilest batting her eyes, ...and then she'd switch over to my cheeks.  I'll fully admit, that part was cute.
Here we are after our sleigh ride. I was SO hoping we could take some pictures while we were on the sleigh but we were all facing outward, which was cool because we could see everything, but not, because I couldn't take pics of my cute little family on our fun little journey. So, the after-shot will just have to do. This picture doesn't even do the size of these horses justice. They were HUGE! And they let us pet them. I was mildly nervous but had to put on a brave face for the kids. Tee hee. I DO like horses, but they kind of scare me.  Beauti-scary-but-majestic-but-still-freaky-because-they-could-trample-me animals.  (And I like how we all look mildly "special" in this pic, too).

So after eating too many cookies and slurping down hot chocolate (all before dinner, of course), we made our way back home. Let the touque-hair-season BEGIN!

Just Thinking Around....

So today, being Sunday, I cried a lot.  That just happens to me when I feel the Spirit.  Or any kind of emotion.  I don't even know why I bother wearing make-up to church any more.  There were a few things that stood out to me today.  Nima Maham, one of my good friends, gave our Sunday school lesson on "Charity" and he did such an amazing job.  We talked about the different ways we show love and it got me thinking of how I need to be better to Joe.  Any time I feel the least bit selfish, I need to remember to put myself in his shoes, and sometimes that's not easy to do (his feet are bigger than mine.  Tee hee!  I'm so funny....).  It takes a lot of humility sometimes to remember that we are in this together and we are a team.  He gives so much to me and works so hard.  I am so grateful that I am not the one studying downstairs in the den for however many hours each day and have that pressure to get a good mark so that our future can be determined.  Sheesh.  It made me realize how important support for each other is.  Nima ended his lesson by having Joe read a story.  Bad idea.  Okay, so it was a really good story.  But it was the crying-kind.  It was about how the world, country by country, started getting this mysterious flu that had no cure.  People just kept getting sick without realizing it, then spreading it and then dying (I was wondering where this was going because all I could think about at this point was a zombie apocalypse!).  The story goes on from here about how there was a possible cure, but they needed to find untainted blood from a donor, so each person was brought forth to come to the hospital and get tested to see if anyone carried clean/perfect-blood (I'm sure you can see where this is going).  Your son's name is called as the only person who could donate his blood to cure this disease.  Everyone is cheering and so excited that they will be saved until you read the fine print and see that the amount of blood that they will need to take from your son will take his life.  But it will cure all of mankind.  This is where I am crying, because I have a son.  I have TWO, and the thought of having to make that kind of choice makes me just a TOUCH emotional.  The part that is the saddest in this story is that with much heart-ache you decide to sacrifice your son for all of mankind, but some people choose to be ungrateful and sleep through the ceremony acknowledging your son's sacrifice, or give you a fake-smile like that should be enough.  (Bawling.  Thanks Nima).  Obviously, this is a parallel to God giving his perfect Son, Jesus Christ's life for us to save all mankind.  How many of us are ungrateful?  I may have accepted Him as my Saviour, but how often do I think of Him during the week?  Or when I am making choices?  Am I recognizing His sacrifice when I fail to take opportunities to be a missionary and share the gospel?  One of the most amazing gifts our Heavenly Father has given us is the life of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Today was a good reminder of how I need to be better at showing my gratitude for my Heavenly Father.  There are just too many miracles around me that denote that He is a loving Father.  He is real.  He is there.  He is personal.  He is not some floating-something without an image or body.  He is someone I will hug when I see Him.  To end Nima's lesson, he bore his testimony and then read something that he wrote down to answer the question: "How do we show charity?"  His answer: "HUG!"

I love it.

In Relief Society, we reviewed one of my favourite conference talks from the April Session 2011, Elder Bednar's "Receiving Revelation."  All I could think about was how grateful I was that the Lord guided me to Joe through personal revelation.  When I was living in Utah in my YSA days, I was determining if I would move back to Alberta or stay.  I was dating someone seriously at the time and we had even talked about marriage.  I knew I would receive an answer to prayer if I studied it out and then asked.  It says in the scriptures, "I will tell you in your MIND and in your HEART...."  That is revelation.  So like a nerd, I got out a piece of paper and wrote down all the pros and cons of staying in Utah, or going home.  And then I prayed about it.

I went home to Alberta.

I knew in my mind and heart that that is where Heavenly Father knew I needed to be.  And that is when Joe and I started dating.  And I will never regret my choice.  I knew that Joe was put into my life for a reason, although at the time I fought it because I wasn't interested in getting my heart broken again right away and needed to "figure things out."  But he didn't go away.  He was persistent and patient and wonderful.  And he was funny.  That helped a lot too.  Now, over eight years later we have grown so much in our relationship.  Who knew on our wedding day that I could say I love him even more now than I did then?  Now this is just turning into a love letter.  But I really am grateful for the revelation I was able to receive that lead me to Joe.  I know I would not be as happy without him in my life.

On a side note, when the Lord revealed to Lehi and his family that they were to leave Jerusalem, their flight was not easy, nor was it short.  They were in the wilderness for eight years.  EIGHT years.  Joe and I haven't even been married that long (well, we will be in June).  It's a fantastic reminder that although we may get certain answers to our questions, the Lord doesn't always make the road easy, nor direct.  That is something we've learned with Joe's career path.  Looking back now I can see how certain choices lead him to realize his potential and what he now wants to do with his life.  SCHOOL!   And from there, we shall see!

The end.

Thanksgiving American Style

The best thing about having American parents is that we got to have Thanksgiving Twice this year!  I'm pretty sure I have a similar picture of Taylor just like this from last year.  The difference is, I don't know how she's managing to get any meat off this thing with no front teeth.  I wonder what she wants for Christmas....

The cousins love getting together to play.  I know it looks like Aaron is trying desperately to escape Ellie's fond embrace, but I promise he was into it, too.

Here are the kids doing what kids do best. Getting into the treats! Hannah was especially trying to be as sneaky as possible since she was on a treat-time-out for missing her dance class. Haha! Poor girl. Bad timing.  No Skor-Trifle or Pumpkin pie for you! Well, not that your Mother was aware of anyway.  
Nerds in the making. Please, if you're going to give my kids some of your nerdiness, give them the math genes or computer smarts, but please oh please I hope they never play the game that Doug and Spence were playing. Doug was quizzing Spencer by playing him tunes of really old video games and he had to guess the game. I had never heard of any of the games (I'm pretty sure they dated back to the 80's or early 90's). Somehow, Spencer got 100% correct. Am I shocked? I can only imagine how much more heated and exciting this competition could have been if Jared were there....
An impromtu family pic of those who made it (Ellie was in bed by this point.  Sorry Bells). 
At the end of the evening we went around the circle and had an American discussion of what we loved about the States and why. Polotics and health-care were not apart of this discussion! Haha! But I will say that I love the people. They are some of the nicest and warmest people I've met (at least on the West side. Jenny, I don't know what YOUR experience is out in Cleveland. Tee hee!). And my parents came from the States and lived in many of its States (Utah, Oregon, Washington, California, New York and currently Montana), so it's an alright place to me! Happy American Thanksgiving y'all!

Seven Brides For Seven Brothers

As promised, here are a few of my favourite pics from my experience with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. First off, this woman, Bethany Hughs was a huge support for me during this process and experience. I learned a ton from her and will cherish our many conversations. Thank you Bethany for keeping me sane!
 
And here are my girls! The fun part about being in the chorus as a Bride is that I get to hang out with these awesome people! (L-R): Stephanie Blommaert (I will always cherish your hugs and positive attitude towards life. It was fun living vicariously through you and your crushes!), me, Jocelyn Ogrins (love your breaking into song backstage and finally realizing that you are NOT, in fact, a shy and quiet girl. Haha!), Bethany (as I said, my life-saver during this production. The poor girl had to deal with me anytime I felt the least bit frustrated); Above: Jenea Hardy (She got engaged during the production to Dustin Purnell, one of the suitors, and I enjoyed the reminder of what it feels like to be newly engaged and always on cloud nine. Cute!), Shannon Williams (She was the brightest and most cheerful person I know. Always smiling and bubbly. Not to mention sassy! Love you girl!).

Below is my dashing partner in crime, Colby Purnell as "Benjamin" (pre-Milly-ized as you can see!).


And this is my other partner in crime, my suitor Brandon Tanner as "Nathan."  He constantly had me laughing at rehearsals with his quick-comments and silly faces.  I had trouble not laughing on stage because he was always pulling "you broke my heart" faces throughout.  And it's true.  I did break his heart.  Many times.  Let's face it, I'm Dorcas.


Thankfully Joe was sitting front row, centre, so here are some pictures of the show that he was able to capture. Thanks Joe!

Here's the opening number, The Polite Reel.


Wonderful Day with Milly.
 



Goin' Courtin'. L-R: Ben Raymant, Dan Fontaine, Stephen Allred, Joy Quilala, Colby Purnell, Alex De Vries, Mike Berube.


Here I am, being the flirty Dorcas before our Harvest Dance where the boys get to fight over us. Usually at this point I am bugging Colby about how many beard-hairs he missed during his backstage quick-change that are still lingering on his face.
 



Sobbin' Women, one of my fav songs of the play.  We were so lucky to have super-talented male singers for this production.   They were the show and sounded amazing.


Let the kidnapping begin!  The kidnapping between Alice and Gideon is my fav.


Benjamin making it up to Dorcas by making her a gift.  I guess it worked.


Lonesome Polecat. Easily my fav song of the play AND movie. Loved every minute of it. We as Brides, were supposed to be frozen in place on the other side of the stage here, but I couldn't help but turn my head a LITTLE bit so I could watch everything out of the corner of my eye.


The Spring Dance. Besides the corkscrew move in the Harvest Dance, I was the most nervous about this dance. Mostly because we didn't have everything nailed down until a couple weeks before the show AND we figured out our solo-portion DAYS before the show. Yikes! I don't remember things well so I was SO worried. Thankfully it all came together. It helps to have a partner who knows how to waltz.
 

The stars of the show, Tristan Tolley (Adam) and Joy Quilala (Milly).
 

The Brides try running away from the Brothers and townsfolk because they don't want to go back to town. In this scene Benjamin finds me and I battle him to the ground (Dorcas is tough like that). Once the townsfolk find us, I try hiding him under my dress. My one true laugh from the audience. Thank you very much.
  

 Then of course we all know the ending. We get married!


The finale.


And my men. Still fighting over little ol' me even after the show!
 
Such a wonderful experience.  A huge thanks to those who came out to support, but most especially thanks to all those in the cast and crew for being so awesome and fun to be around.  You get to know people being around them 3 times a week for 3 hours or more at a time.  Tee hee!  I learned so much from each person and most certainly learned a few things about myself as well.  Cannot wait for the next experience!

It's Over

I never thought this day would happen.  The day where I don't know what to do with myself.  Since August I have been working on Annie and then started Seven Brides in September (each rehearsal 3 days a week for 3 hours x2).  Annie ended last month and now Seven Brides is officially over as of this past weekend.  I'm not gonna lie.  I cried.  And I'm not sure that I am done crying.  Joe is afraid that I am going to be so bored of him now that my plays are over.  And he may be partially right.  I love my husband and my children, let me put that out there first!  I would be nothing without them.  But, I have spent so much time with these people who have become such good friends (my theatre-family) and now I'm just not sure what's next for me.  "ME!"  I've been so spoiled being able to go to these rehearsals and have so much "me" time.  Laundry and dishes have never felt more painful.  At least when I did them before, I knew I would get a break and get to go to rehearsal that night and dance and sing my heart out.  I've had a taste of fun outside of my life of "Mom" and "Wife" and now I'm not so sure I can turn back so easily.

I am hooked on musical theatre.

I've decided that if by chance we do NOT move to Ontario in January that I will audition for The Drowsy Chaperone which starts rehearsing in January.  But if we DO move to Ontario, I will let the writing begin.  I actually started writing a musical for ALMA THE YOUNGER but it has been sitting on the shelf for several years now (I started it almost seven years ago!).  It may continue to sit as I have had more and more new ideas form.  I originally wanted to be apart of these plays to learn and grow and figure out what makes a great musical.  There's only so much studying you can do without any experience.  I am SO glad I took that step to actually be apart of one.  Well, two.  Not only for my writing, but for me.  I learned a lot about myself.  I didn't know what I was capable of until I tried it.  My parents came to see me in Seven Brides for our final show and my Dad, who doesn't give compliments freely, said that he thought I looked so graceful and professional out there.  What?  Me?  You have no idea how much that means to me!

*Tear*

Joe also said the same thing (which was very sweet and also meant a lot), but he didn't study at Julliard.  Tee hee!  Just some background.  I don't dance.  I love to.  But I never have opportunities to as a stay-at-home-Mom  (unless it's with my kids in the living-room) and have never had lessons (unless you count the hip-hop dance class I took at 17 with some friends.  Before that, I believe I was 10 and it lasted a week).  I faked it on stage like you wouldn't believe!  Perhaps one day I will know all the names and terms for all the turns and spinny-thingies.  It helps that I had an awesome and ambitious partner.  Thank you Colby Purnell!!  And a HUGE thank you to Bethany Hughs (who is an actual dancer unlike myself, fantastic teacher, listener and friend).  There is something about dancing that is so freeing and invigorating. It is also nice when you can lose a few pounds in the process.  I have never felt tighter (except for the loose skin thanks to my three babies.  Does that even make sense?)  On the other hand, I have also never felt more sore.  Having an old-woman body and trying to keep up with 20-year-olds is hard.  I don't think there was ever a day where I didn't come home with sore hips.  Sad.  (Can I also blame that on babies?)

All in all, this was such a wonderful experience and I am so grateful to the people who came out to support and watch the show!  Especially to my husband who had to put up with me either complaining about this or that, or explaining the different dance moves like he should be interested.  Haha!  He put the kids to bed and did the dishes each night I was away at rehearsal too!  And he took some fantastic pictures of the show as well (which I will post later).  Thank you Joe for loving me enough to support me AND in allowing me to indulge in a little "me" time.  I've grown a lot and am so grateful for the experiences.

And this is where I start crying again.

Too Soon?

For Family Home Evening, we decided to crank up the Christmas tunes and Christmas-ify our house!! Who am I kidding, I decided. I figured if there's a chance we'll have to be moving/packing during the Christmas holidays then I want to make sure I can enjoy my decorations for more than a week. ...And I'm not gonna lie, I did the same thing last year. Seriously, there is truly nothing better than a house full of Christmas cheer and the scent of pumpkin-spice candles! And of course with the decorating came the organizing and cleaning. With great sadness, we packed away our ball-gloves and Fall jackets and replaced them with heavy coats, boots and mitts. It's official now. W@#^%* is here.

This whole decorating thing is partially Ellie's fault. She is ever-wearing a hat and on this particular day, she decided to wear a Santa hat. ALL DAY! So, how could I not be inspired to drag out the box of Christmas cheer?

The boys are at such a fun age where they love being involved and being good "helpers." (And they like it too). I must admit, they are also at an age where I'm no longer sarcastic about them actually helping and me liking it. It's so nice. Ellie on the other hand.....

She's just crazy. And busy. And sassy. And....

The final product!

Since we don't have a large tree or many decorations, it only took us about a half hour, which I'd say is pretty decent and also makes putting up Christmas decorations feel like not such a mighty task. The kids loved it and I was dancing and singing right along with them. After we were all finished we turned out the lights in the house so it was just the glow of the tree lights and sang one of my fav carols, Away in a Manger. I heart Christmas.

Now I just need to start my Christmas shopping....

Ontario?

Dear Journal,

In about three weeks ONE silly test is going to determine our future for the next couple years and I'm not sure I am ready for it. Joe needs to get a certain score on his GMAT exam to get accepted into McMaster University out in Burlington, Ontario (just outside Toronto) so he can get his Masters in Business. If he does get accepted we will know about it two weeks before Christmas and will have to patch up our house, find renters, sell our car, find a place to rent in Burlington (or nearby), de-junk our house, find a storage place for the things we can't take (like my beautiful piano. Sniff, sniff...) and then PACK everything else into a U-Haul truck which Joe will drive, in the dead of winter, while I get to drive the van with three kids by myself. In the dead of winter. Three days. So scared. And this all has to happen BEFORE January!

How?

If we don't get accepted, then we have to figure out what to do for the next eight months while we try to get in for the September intake. Either way, it looks like we're going to Ontario. And I'm not sure how I feel about it. It will only be for about two years, so in some ways, it can be a real adventure. A new place. New friends (sad). New ward. New neighbours. New driving (the drivers out there are scary). My experiences with Ontario in general have basically felt like Whyte Ave or downtown, but everywhere. I am NOT a big-city person. It makes me feel uncomfortable. And Jackson will be starting Kindergarten and I just don't know the area and the people, etc. All in all, the unknown makes me nervous. Yes, I have travelled. A lot. But I've never loved Ontario. Here are the perks though! It will only be a four hour drive from Jenny and her gang. Which also means a four hour drive from Target and other wonderful things that only the States can offer. We are also pretty close to New York (so I MUST take advantage of that), as well as to Joe's Mission, Washington, DC. So, if we DO go out there, I have promised myself that we will take trips to these cool places and enjoy the East. Since it is only two years, it doesn't feel as scary and I can CHOOSE to be happy, but "change" and all of the "unknowns" are what I'm NOT looking forward to. Scared. Jenny? Will you be my friend out there? Way, way, WAY out there? You'd better.

I will post the verdict in a matter of weeks. Until then....

Fall

Thank goodness I took an afternoon last week to allow the kids some outside-time to jump and play in the leaves. This week we are sadly in the minuses and I'm sure we can bank on snow any day now. Sad. I wish I could say we spent the afternoon productively raking and getting the yard together before the first snowfall, but that beautiful, outdoorsy time was purely for getting some energy out. The kid's energy. Not mine. Mine doesn't exist anymore.

Love those happy faces.

Dear Fall,

Why the quick trip? I feel like you just got here, toyed with my heart and then took all my love and happiness with you! I thought we were more than that. Will you ever love me the way I love you? Stay a little longer. I beg of you.

With all my heart....

I-heart-sweaters-and-scarves-and-not-heavy-winter-jackets-and-boots-Maren

Roses are Red, and it's not even Valentine's Day

Some husbands are awesome.

Mine is the best.

This is Halloween!

This Halloween I faced my fears by becoming what I fear most (if you can fear things that aren't real. Or are they???).

A ZOMBIE.

Joe and I even practised making zombie noises, and if I was being completely honest, he kinda freaked me out a bit.

Joe was pretty full here.

As for me? I'm always hungry.

Thanks to Matt and Tarilyn's costume party, we had a reason to get dressed up this year. This is them in 30 years. Rockin' the Mom-pants!



When the h'orderves ran out, we had to dig into another little snack. Thanks again Matt and Tarilyn, for the party and your baby.

The kids started counting down a week ago (it was a long week) for this wonderful day! It was actually pretty fun-filled. I got the kids all dressed up, and after a short photo-shoot we headed to the Mall. Joe had to take our laptop in and I figured we should get the kids out of the house. I know the Malls usually do some sort of trick-or-treat thing store to store, but then found out it didn't start until much later. What was I going to do with three kids in a busy Mall at the boring Mac store? Well, thankfully I noticed most of the stores were already giving out candy, so we let the trick-or-treating BEGIN! After a food-court dinner we went to Grandma and Grandpa Burnhams' to meet up with Matt and Tarilyn and their gang as well as Joe's parents and Celeste. After a brief visit, it was time to REALLY trick-or-treat! We met up with Sarah and Joe and the girls as well as with Andy and John Barnes and their kids. Terwillegar is perfect for trick-or-treating with little kids! We made our way to the gazebo where there was hot chocolate and back to the park where there were fireworks. That's right folks. My community is awesome. The boys loved it! We snuggled in close together (Joe had taken Ellie back home at this point) as Noah pretended to shoot the fireworks with a glow stick. Isn't that what Batman would do?

After this long and boring story, here are some cute pics of the kids in their costumes. Jax as none other than Robin, Noah as Batman (shocker, I know) and Ellie as Cat-woman! Enjoy...















MEOW!



Can I just say it out loud? Ellie is adorable. She'd approach each house with a resounding, "Chi-cha-chee!" ("trick-or-treat") and that got the neighbours every time. And me. I love this girl.

Now it's time to pork out on some candy-licious goodness! Until next year....