I Went To Another Church Today

Today is Good Friday.  Last night I had Jazz Choir practice and we meet at the Alliance Church.  Just before choir was over someone was telling me about a church activity that they do to remember the Saviour on Good Friday.  I don't know about you, but I leave all that church-talk for Sunday when it comes to Easter.  The fun Easter activities are all week long with colouring eggs and Easter egg hunts and getting treats and all that.  And then on Sunday, we will remind the kids, "no it's not about the Easter bunny, it's about Christ."  Well, I thought it was a really neat idea to actually think of the Saviour and His sacrifice on Good Friday instead of waiting until the end of the weekend.  So the more my friend was talking about this Easter activity, the more I wanted to come and bring my family.  There were various stations lined up in the sanctuary that marked certain events in the bible leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection.  So today, I took my family to the Alliance Church.  I think what I loved about that experience was learning the various ways that people worship and show their love for God and Jesus Christ.  I loved finding similarities in our beliefs.  Everyone is just trying to do their best in their own journey through life (including myself).  My friend who was telling me about this activity even admitted that she doesn't attend church regularly, usually just Easter and Christmas but her heart is good and she at least makes an effort during those times of year.  It felt good to go out of my comfort zone a little to tie ourselves to our community as well as centre our thoughts on Christ, even if it was just for a half hour or so.  I find that sometimes with church we focus so much on "that church isn't true" or "that church isn't true" but really the fact of the matter is there is lots of truth found in lots of different churches that can bring lots of people joy and happiness and set them on a good path.  I am the first person who will admit that I do not have my crap together and that I don't have all the answers.  I know what I believe, but I also know that I have questions that likely no church has an answer for and I just have to wait until the next life to understand all that hard stuff (like why do innocent little babies die?  Or why does one amazing miracle happen for one person and not to the next very deserving person?  And so on).  Anywho, it was nice to celebrate in our similarities and join in something that brings us together.  Christ.

But Last Year! Last Year I Got Thirty-Seven!

If you don't know what I'm quoting then we can't be friends.  It's from HP.  And if you don't know what HP means, we can't be friends.  It's Harry Potter.  And if you've never read/watched Harry Potter, we can't be friends.  It's the scene where Dudley is counting all his presents and he's mad that he didn't get as many gifts as the year before.  "But last year!  Last year I got thirty-seven!"  I am using this reference because, A) I quote it all the time.  And B) yesterday I turned the big 3-7.  And it's weird.  I've known it's been coming for a while.  But.  I mean.  AAAAAH!  I have exited my MID-thirties and am now in my LATE-thirties.  I've been thinking about this a lot because I do not like to be a floater.  I like to be a doer.  I like to know that I have spent every minute of my life living it to the fullest.  Now we all know that's not always possible.  But I have especially been feeling this urgency to fill my time well lately because, well, I am in my LATE thirties now.  My life is flying by.  And who better to let me know than my children.  No.  They never say anything (except for last week when Zoe AND Ellie were both giggling at my jiggly bum while I was working out.  Thanks), but they grow.  They grow REALLY fast.  Because of them I have constant reminders of how quickly time is flying.  I have FOUR kids in school now.  My BABY isn't a baby anymore.  She's two.  My oldest will be in Young Mens and passing the sacrament by Christmas.  My third just got baptized and I distinctly remember thinking not too long ago that that was a long way off and won't that be crazy when that day comes.  Well.  It came.

So this urgency is taking over my brain.  I was listening to CBC radio the other day (because I'm OLD like that and I like Classical music in the car sometimes!), and there was this violin solo that came on and it was gorgeous and I thought to myself, "wouldn't that be nice to be able to play like that?"  And then I thought, "I bet I could if I really wanted too.  Why not consider it?  I'm not too old to figure it out!"  And I do this sort of thing ALWAYS!  This past week I have been learning a new classical song on the piano (Aria in G Major, by Georg Philipp Telemann) without a piano teacher to guide me.... because it's not too late (I tell myself).  I joined a Jazz and Chamber choir a couple months ago to help with my sight-reading and vocal abilities... because it's not too late.  I told myself that because I am learning all these Chamber Choir songs I should write a Chamber piece.... because it's not too late.  Not too late for what, you ask?  Not too late to learn.  I never went to post-secondary school so every once in a while it kicks my butt and I feel like I need to be constantly learning something.  It's empowering.  I LOVE telling myself that I am going to do something and then I do it.  It feels amazing.  Especially if it's hard.  I love the idea that it's not too late to try something new.  But now that I am thirty-seven, I just feel like I am running out of time and there's more of an urgency to fit it all into this one little life I have.  And the other part of me reminds me, "you are a Mom.  That is more important than learning the violin right now."  And that voice hurts a little.  But not enough to know that it's right.  Finding that balance is.... the worst.  Am I inspiring my kids when they see me take time away from them to write or be creative?  Or will they resent me because I am taking time away from them to write and be creative?  So hard to juggle it all.  And my kids aren't even teenagers yet.

Oh boy.

All this being said, I made a goal for myself to release a current "live" music video.  It turned into five.  Four live piano sessions in one afternoon with Joe Sim (which were actually live) and an acoustic band video with Eugenio Hipolito which looks live, ...but we cheated and it's totally not.  I kind of wish it was because I was in better voice the day of the shoot than when I actually sang in the studio.  Oh well.  It was a lot of fun, BUT I will admit that I am out of practice so I actually lost a lot of sleep over all this and had to spend a lot of time actually practicing (WHAT?!).  Which included getting my callouses back.  Ouch.  During these past couple weeks I have just been trying to not be sick (sure didn't work).  Each of my kids have had a cold or the barfs (kids have the greatest timing), making it even more difficult to leave them (sorry Joe.  MMM-BYEEEE!) AND maintain my health so I can sing and can have the ENERGY to get through an afternoon of shooting.  And holy smokes was it ever exhausting.  I am ready for a tiny break, that's for dang sure.  I wanted to give a shout out to my friend, Alysha Sladek, whom I asked to be my stylist last week.  She did that and more.  She helped me calm my freaking nerves, ended up being my water-girl (and Diet Coke girl---which I'm sure she loved---sorry Alysha.  And thanks), she let me wear her leather pants which I'm not sure I have any business doing but did anyway (it's not too late to wear leather pants!  ...I think), AND took some incredible photos which I will share with you now.  Here's to being thirty-seven.

Rehearsing with my nephews, Jake and Johnny Kerr during set up.

I love this shot of my guitar.  Her name is Ruby.  Also nicknamed, One-eyed Willy.  She has been to every single concert with me, travelled the world from studio to studio, and 99.9% of my guitar-songs have been written on her.  As you can see from the scuffs and scratches she's been through a lot with me.  And I love her for it.  We are loyal friends.  (However, if someone gifted me with a top of the line Taylor, I might eat my words.  With a smile).