Cursed By a Woman

I have been waiting to report this day for three years. Yes. Three years ago I met with Jayna Butler about writing a musical together.  We talked about some of my plot ideas.  All three.  Haha!  But problem was I was moving away that Summer and Jayna is one of the busiest people I know.  Finding a way to come together to write about this was becoming impossible.  I tried several other avenues as far as writing partners, but I was having no luck finding someone to get on board with me with no financial promise and the only reward being a finished musical.  After some rough scene-by-scene writing, our family moved to Burlington and I had baby number four.  I wasn't sure how quickly this process was going to go (not to mention I was potty training Ellie that Fall.  Unsuccessfully).  But I knew Joe would be in school and I would have a LOT of alone time.  No friends.  No family.  No cable.  Once Zoe started sleeping through the night I was able to have the entire evening for myself to get to work (and honestly, I often did a lot of writing and recording with her on my lap).  It wasn't ideal because I was most tired after putting the kids to bed after a long day of essentially being a single Mom, but once I got on a roll it became something I really looked forward to.  It was better than reading a book I couldn't put down because I was the one who got to create it.  I wrote my first song, "Have You Ever Had a Dream" January of 2013 (it has been altered a few times since then).  It became my cheerleading song.  Any time I felt disheartened or felt like I couldn't do it or wasn't good enough, I would listen to this song and cry and remember that I can do anything I put my mind to.  Sometimes I would take a creative break because I became overwhelmed with Motherhood and trying to keep up, or because the script was just not coming along and I was hitting wall after wall.  I'd put it on the shelf for a couple months and come back to it when I was fresh.  Needless to say, there were many re-writes.  Many garbage songs.  Lots of cutting down and tightening of the script, which also meant cutting songs.  Good ones, too.  Sad.  And after my miscarriage in October, I decided I needed something that was going to pull me up and give me a reason to get out of bed and not feel so sad all the dang time.  I approached Jayna shortly after and I essentially asked her to take a chance on me and my musical and produce it and direct it with me.  I knew I was asking a lot so when she said she would do this with me, I about died of happiness and gratitude!  Now that I have more of an idea of what goes into producing one of these things, I am amazed she said yes at all.  It takes a special person to put one of these together.  Maybe she said yes because when we originally met about this, it was supposed to be a workshop in her Drama classroom for an audience of 40 people, but after auditions and looking at the talent we had, we decided I needed to get sponsors (which was really hard for me to ask for) to give us a little more of a budget to do this properly.  I guess I kind of tricked her into doing this full scale with me.  But boy was I happy with how things turned out!  Let's not pretend there wasn't a little drama (never between Jayna and I) during the process, but all in all, it was such a positive experience for me.  I already talked about how much fun the audition process was and how pleased I was with the talent we had to work with.  Now let's talk about the past three months of my life.  I feel like I was working a full-time job on top of already being a full-time Mother.  That was a massive challenge for me, because I was constantly trying to make sure I was on top of things with the musical while still trying to give my kids all of me.  I struggled.  Being a Mom is the best job (and most important) and being a Playwright/Director is also the best job.  I wanted to give both avenues all my time, but the reality is that as I was spending time on one, the other suffered.  I knew that three months was a short time, so I did my best to split myself two ways.  Three if you include my husband/marriage.  My brain and heart have never been so overworked.  But to be fair, I have never felt more fulfillment and passion for anything else outside my family life than I have during this process.  Looking back (because we are all still intact) I can say that the struggle was worth it.   I have been stretched and have grown incredibly as a playwright, composer, mother and wife.  As we came each step closer to the production date and as things kept coming together, I would smile within myself at all of the small victories.  I can't tell you how I felt the first time hearing my chorus sing back to me, "Have You Ever Had a Dream."  I pretty much bawled right in front of them.  And by "pretty much" I mean, I full on bawled.  And then seeing my "Cursed By a Woman" poster for the first time and how it was so professionally done, I felt so legit.  One of the greatest reliefs/victories for me was on opening night hearing the audience laugh for the first time and respond to the play.  I kept thinking in my mind.  "I wrote that.  That part really IS funny---not just in my brain, but to everyone."  And then hearing their applause to each song, "They are enjoying a song I wrote."  What a massive blessing.  There were only a few crickets on some bad jokes that I am sure to cross out---Haha!  But overall, people enjoyed the musical more than I thought they would.  They even laughed at parts that I didn't realize were comical.  What's funny is a couple weeks before the show I was having major anxiety just wondering how it was all going to come together.  People didn't have their lines memorized (including myself---Eep!), we were forgetting dance moves, where our blocking was, where our entries were, we were going to have mics, and then we weren't, then we were, and weren't again, costumes were no where near done.  Some of the songs hadn't even been choreographed yet!  Ack!  Talk about stress.  To top it off, people were slow to buy tickets and my promo video was late in getting out to the public.  A part of me saw that as a possible blessing in disguise because I didn't want to give the public this sort of product.  But oh how those two weeks turned around.  This musical became more than I could have ever hoped for.  Almost every show was sold out.  My cast and crew came together and everything was not only finished in time, but finished well.  My cast nailed their lines and delivery.  They truly earned each and every applause they got.  My only mild regret was deciding to take the part of Vivian when she dropped out.  Although I absolutely had a blast back stage with the cast and bonded like no other with them (and got super-fit and lost 10 pounds---Yay!), the purpose of this process was for me to see how it all came together as a director.  Am I glad that I took a chance on playing Vivian's character?  Absolutely.  But I do feel like I missed out on some remarkable directing experiences because of it.  I suppose faces grow old for stage faster than they grow old for directing.  Perhaps I won't have many more opportunities to be on stage, so that is what makes me happy I took a chance and went for it.  My kids thought I was funny.  Yessssssss!  Ellie asked me why I was acting like a child on stage, so I guess I played the part well.  Let me just say that being a part of a cast makes you feel like you are a part of a family.  We spent so much time together I almost started feeling guilty that I was having more inside jokes with them than my own husband.  I also saw them more.  This was a struggle for me to have something so amazing that was outside of my home-life.  I wasn't used to that.  I think I realized that that must be what women feel like when they work outside of the home.  I love being at home when I'm there, and I love being at rehearsals and the theatre when I'm there.  I was torn at first, but then I shortly realized that it was okay to feel loved and appreciated not only inside your home (I kind of chuckle as I say that because I rarely feel appreciated as a "cook and clean"), but also outside of the home too.  It's okay to feel passionate about things outside of Motherhood and outside of your marriage.  God gives us talents to use and He wants us to use them.  God gave us brothers and sisters all around the world to take in and love and laugh with and bond with.  And I most certainly did all those things.  I will never forget this time in my life where I got to bond with some of God's best and brightest.  And funniest.  One of those people being my son, Jackson.  There were a few small parts in the play for a child, and at first I thought it might be too stressful having one of my own children with me while I was trying to work but I'm so glad I asked him.  Once I told him that he'd get to miss school for a week and stay up late he was on board!  It was the best decision I ever made.  I do not remember the last time Jackson and I had one-on-one time.  I always see him as the older, responsible brother who just does what I ask.  He still is that to me, but he's so much more than that.  We laughed and cried together that week.  When I asked him if he was nervous about having to be on stage in front of all those people, he responded with, "Well, if I can be brave enough to be silly in front of girls and make them laugh, then I think I can be brave enough to be on stage in front of 3000 people." (It was only 230 x 5 shows).   Man, I love that boy.  We also had a chance to have some deeper conversation.  Jackson was asking me about politics and why do we have money?  After a while he just stopped me and said, "Mom, I don't think you are answering my question."  That happened three times.  Leave the politics to someone else!  He was also asking me about eternity.  "If everyone is just perfect after we die, then wouldn't that get boring?"  I told him that our bodies would be perfect, but our minds would continue to learn, so we're always progressing.  After a few minutes of this conversation, he started to tear up and said, "I think we should stop talking about this."  Poor guy!  He gets just as overwhelmed as me about all this eternity stuff too!  That week with him was a big aha moment for me.  I realized that I need to be better at spending one-on-one time with each of my children.  I am always encouraging Joe go on these dates with the kids because I feel like I spend enough time with them at home.  Well, the one-on-one stuff is way different than being a Mother to all of them at once.  It was a great lesson to me.

Here are some pictures of Friday Night's show that Alysha Sladek took (www.alyshasladek.com).  What a talented woman that I am lucky enough to know!  She captured such great shots, and now I have this incredible memory forever!  Thanks Alysha!  She took the ones on stage and I took the ones back stage.  Some pictures are inside jokes, for example, Joel Mcleish is my dance partner, and in the first scene he looks like a creepy farmer and his costume made me laugh out loud at dress rehearsal (totally broke character) when I saw it for the first time.  He's a hoot!  A creepy one.  Ha!    



Back Row L-R: Scarlett Butler, Barb Butler, Alex De Vris, Zach Ayers, Matt Bodie, Joel Mcleish, Kurtis Nawrot
Middle Row L-R: Ariel Law, Stephanie Blommaert, Brittney Butler, Alex Toth, Natasha Lybbert, Amy Harper
Front Row L-R: Dave Litchfield, Me, Ben Raymant, Leah Hardy, Kelly Stebner, Lisa Litchfield, Susanna Bezooyen, Jackson Burnham (missing Liz Woodruff)


Back Row L-R: Spencer Law, Barb Butler, Krista Pederson, Madilyn Roberts, Alex De Vris, Zach Ayers, Matt Bodie, Joel Mcleish, Kurtis Nawrot
Middle Row L-R: Scarlett Butler, Lena Chalmers, Ariel Law, Stephanie Blommaert, Brittney Butler, Alex Toth, Natasha Lybbert, Amy Harper, Liz Woodruff, Gill Stebner, Jayna Butler
Front Row L-R: Dave Litchfield, Me, Ben Raymant, Leah Hardy, Kelly Stebner, Lisa Litchfield, Susanna Bezooyen, Jackson Burnham


Welcome to 1934


Grandma's Lullaby


Cursed By a Woman


Have You Ever Had a Dream?


Larry Don't Mind


The Life of a Servant


Cursed By a Woman Reprise


My first scene in Act 2 as Vivian. "Well she's no cup of sunshine...." I legit would be backstage repeating my trigger line over and over before going on so I wouldn't forget!  I don't understand how people can be backstage and having a conversation or joking around and then be like, "Well, I'm on stage now....!"  I was nervous going on every night!  Thankfully I only missed one non-essential line out of the five shows.  Whew!


How many times will I get to wear a wedding dress in my life? This makes three.  I always got a laugh coming on stage like this because people already knew my character was nuts, so I think they were expecting something, ....aaaaaaaand, it was a serious moment.  Haha!  Um.... whoops?  I think Saturday night was the only show that didn't laugh.  Thank you Saturday.  You got it.


After the show!  I loved spending all this time with Jackson.  He was so fun to watch backstage too.  During all the musical numbers he would dance and be silly and lip-sync to what people were singing on stage (Especially Ariel's character, "Actress #2" at the start of Have You Ever Had a Dream and Cursed By a Woman).  He was so fun to be with and the whole cast adopted him and loved him too.  When I asked him if he missed Noah and the other sibs at home, he responded with, "it's kind of nice having space."  Haha!  This child was meant to be an only child I guess.  And he was most certainly meant for the stage.  There were a few times where I would leave him with Barb's kids thinking he'd prefer to play (I stayed at her place) because I'd be at the theatre for a couple hours doing boring tech stuff before doing scenes and he would show up eyes filled to the brim and say, "you started without me!"  He wanted to spend every minute at the theatre!  Only on the very last day did he start to finally feel like this was getting a little mundane.  Many late nights and long hours spent.  This kid was a trooper!


Here are some backstage shots. Leah Hardy did such a great job being our lead, Eleanor.  A small part of me would love to be the leading lady one day, but then I think about all the lines I would have to memorize and blocking, and I'd probably have to kiss a boy that wasn't my husband, and that would just be weird for me, no matter how "chaste."  Don't let this picture fool you.  This girl is not ALL beauty and talent.  She had us all cracking up every rehearsal.  As soon as it started feeling like a long rehearsal, enter Leah and everything became fun and light again.  She is just a ray of sunshine that I am going to miss!


This is more the reality. Alex and Leah are two of the most beautiful girls in the world. Not sure how these nasty faces are possible, but I feel like a proud parent.


Barbie!  What's funny is I would consider Barb my best friend, and yet we never spend one-on-one time together!  Looking back it has always been group setting situations and I feel so lucky that I got to spend all this time at her house and enjoy all this extra time with her at the theatre too!  Not only did she nail it on stage as "Actress #3" but she stood in as props lady.  Watching her go and collect all these random items, haul them to the theatre and then ask her to stay backstage and organize everything for all the actors made me feel like a really bad friend and want to never ask her to do something so mean again.  But.  She was really good at it if it makes a difference.  Sorry Barb!  Hope you can still call me a friend after this one!  Thanks for going on this journey with me!  I will thank you in my speech when I collect my Tony Award for this one.    

And these are the lovely ladies I looked forward to seeing every rehearsal!  From auditions on day one to the final show you guys were there!  Gill and Kelly did such an excellent job with choreo and it makes me really happy that they couldn't do all the numbers because it challenged me in another area of my creativity where I got to choreograph the boys in "Cursed By a Woman" and the Reprise.  Oh how much fun that was!  And because I had to do that, I also got a taste of how much time goes into planning the choreo. Sometimes you come with ideas that you hope will work and if they don't you have to think on the spot.  What talented women!  And then words cannot express what Jayna means to me.  We have become so close in this process.  She has taught me much about patience and kindness and good leadership.  She has been generous with her time and talents and things that are big deals to me (like organizing all the production stuff right down to renting a u-haul the last night to pack all the stuff away) she would just take over and do.  I got the easy job of transferring money.  Honestly, I can't even begin to describe all the things that went into this play that she did for me.  Not just the production end, but all the creative elements that went into her directing right down to the sound effects that Grandma would make with each entry.  I feel like on the last night she gave this really nice speech and said some really sweet things about me, and then when it was my turn I felt like a deer in headlights!  I knew what I wanted to say and wish I had just written everything down because I do not do well on the spot, but I hope she knows how much her time and energy and talents and friendship have meant to me and that they are recognized and appreciated by me.  Many times I felt like a turkey with its head cut off, and she would be the level-headed farmer that would put my head right back on.  Thank you Jayna.  Looking at this picture makes me sad that it's actually over.  I will need to make other excuses to drive into Edmonton every weekend!  Perhaps an Ann of Green Gables Marathon would be the ticket!


Love all these people so much! Thank you my cast family for making me laugh every rehearsal, thank you for taking a chance on this musical and supporting me, and thank you for taking my words on a page and making them become so much more than that.  Time to write another one.   After a year long nap.

Easter Weekend

Easter was special this year because we were finally a family all together again.  Joe is usually in Calgary for most of the week every week for work and then the weekend hits and I am in Edmonton for rehearsals.  It's been kind of rough that way and we've really had to put a special effort into our marriage, SO it was nice having a whole weekend together with no rehearsals, no work and lots of family time and lots of snugglish General Conference time.  I didn't even fall asleep!  Well done Maren.  I got a lot out of General Conference this Spring, and I look forward to re-reading lots of talks.  I starred a whole lot that were just for me.  Elder Eyring being one of my fav's this time around.  In fact, the whole Saturday morning session seemed like it was just for me.  We snuck in some Easter egg colouring between sessions and had the cousins over for an Easter egg hunt and dinner.  Burnhams have different traditions, so it's interesting trying to figure out with Joe what to do with our little family.  When I was young we would dye a zillion eggs, put them in our basket and then the next morning the Easter Bunny hid all of our eggs around the house and filled our baskets with treats.  We would search all over the house for the eggs that we coloured and then eat egg salad sandwiches for a week straight.  The Burnhams fill plastic eggs with candy and have an outdoor Easter egg hunt and that's pretty much it.  No one really cares about dying eggs (except for maybe Nicole), and honestly since they are searching for plastic eggs, there's kind of no point.  I coloured eggs with the kids anyway, but they have been forgotten in the fridge still waiting to be eaten.  Ha!  The kids still enjoyed the process though.  Now that Jackson and Noah are a little older, they are far more interested in the creative process now.  It's cute to watch the energy they put into them.  I made sure to tone down the amount of eggs they coloured so we wouldn't be following the tradition of eating egg-salad sandwiches for a week.  Because that also means egg salad toots.  The saddest part was it was beautiful all week and then the weekend hit and it snowed.  Again.  Spring, Spring, Spring!  So we bundled up the kids for the fastest egg hunt you ever did see.  Sugar right before dinner wasn't our smartest move.  The kids wanted to eat ALL of their eggs and couldn't possibly save any for later.  Haha!  It was fun ripping away Zoe's/Wildstyle's basket of treats and asking her to eat her vegetables.  Nicest mom EVER!  On a side note, Zoe is obsessed with dressing up (if you couldn't tell from the pictures).  She wakes up in the morning and asks to put on her glittery pink Super-girl costume pretty much everyday.  And these days she's added a nice touch with her red cowboy boots that finally fit her.  The combo is fantastic!  She wore it to the library just last week.  Stylish girl.  Here are some pictures of our weekend.

Glenwood

I have been looking forward to this trip for a long time. Right after I moved to Burlington, my girlfriends started an annual Spring Break trip to Glenwood lodge with all their kids and no husbands. I sadly had to miss the first two, but this year I was not going to let that happen!  Thankfully it landed when we had zero rehearsals for "Cursed By a Woman" (which I will write about soon) and I was able to go for the entire trip.  Yay!  As per usual, not enough pics of the friends and LOTS of the kids.  I also stole some pictures from Alysha's camera since hers is way nicer and she captured some great ones.  I don't even think I need to say which ones are mine and which ones are hers.  Hers are all the really beautiful ones.  Let's just put it that way!

Anywho, we had a great time.  Each day was filled with something fun for the kids, like zip-lining, fun at the park, a Carnival organized by us awesome Moms (where the kids got to earn tickets to trade in for candy), movies (both watching and making movies.  Taylor, Whitney and Ella put together an incredible movie trailer and then proceeded to film scenes for it throughout the week---featuring Cassie as a witch), a zillion crafts, music circle time every night by Barb before bed, a dance party (with flashing lights and everything) DJ-ed by Cassie (who is easily the dancing leader of our group of friends), an Easter egg hunt, a candy store (the kids could earn tickets by cleaning/chores, etc, and then they got to manage the store), and just a whole lot of outside time.  I didn't see my kids for most of the day because all of the older girls would take Zoe's hand and Ellie's hand and disappear.  It was heaven.  The evenings were for the Moms.  As soon as the kids went to bed, we got out all the candy and Diet Coke and went to town with laughing and scaring each other.  Our first night there, we heard so many creaking and windy sounds all throughout the house.  Lots of nervous laughter and if you can believe it, Andy and I were the brave ones that went upstairs to make sure there wasn't a scary ghost with a knife sneaking around!  I may have been holding Andy's arm the whole time we checked!  Ha!  In the mornings, Kelly lead us in boot-camp so that we could justify the amount of calories we planned to consume throughout the day and evening!  Ha!  It was fun.  Ish.  Kelly is a machine.  I tried going for a jog with her and Sarah the first morning.... well.  I didn't have a prayer keeping up with those two.  And then they started doing sprints and stuff halfway through.  No thanks!  I made it back alive though and they ran back a lot to keep me going! It made me tear up at the last leg.  They finished and then ran back for me.  No one gets left behind!  It will be many years before I am in that kind of shape.  If ever!  I think one of my favourite nights was our last night together.  We each wrote a silly/fun poem about Candy.  We were so laughy-lazy.  And then we decided (well, mostly I made every one do it) that we should each write something we love about each person on the back of their poem.  It was so sweet and kind of turned into a cry-fest.  My other favourite night was when we all grabbed sleeping bags and laid out on the trampoline together and looked up at the stars while singing, "The Return to Innocence" and laughing our heads off.  And then my other favourite moment was when we shared some A-HA moments in our lives involving faith and God.  My faith has been a little wonky and unsure these days (not gone, just not as strong as it's been in the past), but hearing my friends share their experiences was a great reminder that God is there and He loves me and is mindful of me.  It made me think of experiences I've had in the past and even currently that have lead me to a greater faith in Him.  We had some really great conversation about our struggles (like never being home because of this play and maybe liking the freedom a little too much---Ha!) and I feel like I got a lot closer to these girls than I ever have been in the past.  I loved this trip so much.  My only sadness was that Jenny couldn't come (boo) and that we have to wait another year to make this happen again!  Thanks for the awesome memories ladies!