The "Beach"

I am writing this as it is drizzling outside and wishing that I could be on the beach.  I know we don't live near a "real" beach, but we have a fake one just blocks away!  And we were there just a few days ago!  It was so nice (late twenties), so I gathered all our beach stuff and the boys met us at the beach house after school along with a couple friends.  The water was ICE but that didn't stop the boys from jumping in.  Crazies.  I got so excited about our new weather that I got all ambitious and packed away all our winter stuff.  I even thought to myself, "Maren, it's still April.  You are putting a curse on all of Alberta by packing up before the end of the month!"  Well.  It snowed the next day.  Apologies.  Only in Alberta!!!  And now it's just cold and gross and my kids have no winter boots for this wet nasty weather because they are all put away!  Haha!  I hope their socks aren't too wet when they get home from school!  I should really know by now that Alberta weather is unpredictable and can change in a snap!

I can't wait till we can spend every Summer day here.  Last Summer that is basically all we did, and I got really used to a sandy back entrance and rinsing out swimsuits before the next day.  I never bothered to clear my car of all the sand toys because we'd just be going back the next day.  We have lived here almost a year.  It will be a year in a few months and I've decided that I really like my neighbourhood.  There are always kids playing in the back alley way, and with the nice weather the boys are constantly getting asked to play outside in the back.  I love it.  So much nicer than fighting over which video games they want to play.  But Joe and I have talked about possibly buying a house closer to the end of the Summer/early Fall and now I'm a little panicked, because I am starting to really love where we live and I'm not sure I am in a rush to move any more.  Okay.  That's a lie.  I don't love our house (probably because I haven't put much love into it), but I love this area.  I hope we can luck out and find something perfect for us (that is, if all goes well with Joe's job and all that fun stuff.  Finances.  Blah!).  One thing I know for certain, we HAVE to stay in the Lake Community.  Sunny days on the beach are my jam.

Silver Fox

Silver Fox is Joe's name whenever we kneel down together to pray because the light hits his hair just right and you can see all twenty of his greys.  Haha!  And I am certain I am the one who gave him all twenty.

Will I get a lightening bolt for taking a picture of Joe in the middle of praying?  Probably not the most reverent thing I've done (and he still doesn't know I took it).  But I saw him kneeling there in the most humble of ways and I had to capture this moment.  This guy is the best.  I am so happy I married him.  Maybe it's because he's been away for the last couple weeks on business and I really miss him a lot.  But, I have been feeling my love for this man lately.  He works so hard.  He makes me laugh, when maybe I am the one who should be trying a little harder to make him laugh.  He suffers silently when it comes to the duties and struggles of being a father and provider.  He comes home and I unload on him and he takes it.  Man.  The poor guy.  But at least I'm hot.  ;)

Right?

That's not a question.

Last night he came home from a business trip and I didn't realize how much I missed him until all the kids were in bed and we just snuggled on the couch together and binge-watched "The Office."  Sometimes we sit on separate couches so we have more space, but last night I made him snuggle on the same couch as me and it was just so nice.  I have all of these ambitions in my head at the beginning of the day for dates nights, but man, by the end of the night all I have the energy for is NOTHING!  So lately, that is just what we do best.  And I'm okay with that for now.  It's actually kind of nice.  Sometimes we even go all out and order Chinese food or sushi.

Maybe I have been feeling more love because I have a few friends in a position where their husband has left the church.  It is so hard to see them hurting.  I can't imagine what I would do if Joe decided to stop praying, stop coming to church, stop believing everything that I believed.  How hard would that be trying to survive a marriage whose foundation is now based on different values and principles?  I am so glad for Joe's strong testimony of the gospel and his leading example.  Last Monday, I totally dropped the ball for Family Home Evening and he totally stepped in and rocked it.  Noah and I were supposed to sit down together before FHE and come up with a lesson plan about baptism since he is getting baptized next month.  Well, it just didn't happen between the time he came home from school, what with dinner and baby, etc.  Joe didn't get annoyed (like I would have at myself), he saw that I was frazzled and took over.  Bless that man.  He and Noah did a great job of having a great family discussion on baptism (they did a power point presentation.  Haha!).  I don't want Noah going into those waters without realizing the impact of his decision.  I am so excited for him and so proud of him.  And watching Joe by his side helping him along with the lesson?  Well, ...it was down right attractive.  I love watching him be a Dad.  And he is a great one at that.  Ahh!  My heart is just so full right now with lots of feelings.  Good ones.  This man I married, he's one of the good ones.

p.s. He just texted me from work with "you and me, sushi and snaggles tonight?"  Um.  Yes please.

Arizona Mission

Jane and I were lucky enough to take a trip to Arizona to visit my parents who are serving an mls mission.  They hadn't met Jane and I was ready for a break/ready to be spoiled.  So, it worked out great!  We were able to stay for six days, two of which were travel days, so that kind of stunk, but all in all, I felt like we were able to not only get a lot in, but also have a chance to relax.  We had a few pool days, lots of walks, a hike, lots of eating out, a touch of shopping, and mostly lots of what you see in these pictures; sitting and visiting while enjoying a little wee babe.  The first two days I was there we got to watch General Conference.  It was amazing, and despite what you see from the picture that my Mom caught of me and my Dad being sleeping-twinners, I promise that was for like twenty minutes and that I actually DID quite enjoy conference.  I also planned a couple extra special things.  I interviewed my parents while video taping them.  It was really cute/sweet/spiritual/educational.  You would think that I've heard all the stories but I haven't!  And it was fun hearing my parents talk about their courting days, or the day they were married in the temple, or what their childhood was like.  I barely got through half the questions I had.  Actually, not even close to half.  I will have to bring my video camera again.  I loved hearing these stories.  It was a really special experience and one I recommend.  For one, I realized that it was actually my Grandma Helen Nelson who poured the bowl of mash potatoes on my grandpa's head, not Grandma Audra.  So, obviously, I gave Jane the wrong middle name.  Haha!  Can't wait for the next interview.  I also got to cross something special off my bucket list: singing "O Divine Redeemer" with my Dad and having my Mom accompany us.  This is something I have been wanting to do for YEARS!  I've just never felt my voice was in good enough shape to sing it (especially not in front of my Dad), nor has there really been a convenient time.  I didn't need to sing it for anyone, I just wanted to have a video of it.  Sadly, we never did get a perfect take (having a tired, crying baby kind of ensures that), but it was such a neat experience and I'm so glad I got to do that.  I DO wish I was in better voice.  I haven't really used my voice in a while, so I had to fake it and it got tired real fast!  My Dad still sounds like he's 25.  Of course.  And my Mom is so sweet.  I just assumed that she had all her sheet music that she usually has and kind of didn't think about the possibility that perhaps she didn't take it all with her on their mission!  So, she ordered a copy just for this occasion.  I'm so glad she did.  I don't know when we would've done it again.  I was a little nervous because I had never sung this song before (and it's a tough one), so I was going through the sheet music beforehand and couldn't help but tear up at the words.  It is such a beautiful piece, and I knew I was going to be in trouble trying to sing this!  Good thing it wasn't for an audience.  Just for me.

Thanks Mom and Dad for making such a trip possible! I had such a great time and I DO wish it could have been longer!  It gets harder to get away the more kids you have, but I am certainly glad this one was able to come together the way it did.  Love you!

p.s. Miss Jane says she misses you too!

The Feather Pen Fairy Tales

 I've been working on my second musical since last Summer. And by that I mean, I haven't touched it since last Summer. Just barely several weeks ago I kicked my butt into gear and continued writing. Sometimes these breaks are actually really helpful. It gives me a chance to forget what I wrote and allows me a fresh perspective. Sometimes my writing gets tired. Or sometimes I think something is funny and upon reading it over again, it's really not. Often times I figure out a better way to say something. Or because I am reading it over with fresh eyes I am able to cut out unnecessary banter.  What is telling is that I am STILL excited about this script even after allowing it to sit all this time.  This picture was taken at 2am a couple weeks ago.  Why is that, you ask?  A friend of mine sent me a text the day before letting me know about a contest called the Alberta Playwriting Contest that was due the following day.  Ack! There were lots of rules, so I couldn't simply submit "Cursed" even with all the editing I've done (plus, it might be close but it's not quite there yet).  But I was pretty much finished THIS script (at least the book part of it).  It just needed a little tightening up!  So I spent ALL evening after kids went to bed writing and re-writing.  I am SO happy with this book.  Now all I need to do is write all the music!  Ha!  I have the basic outline for all the songs, I just need my fingers to pour out all of the ideas from my brain into amazing piano work!  No bigs.  Ha!  (This is where I wish I could pool my talents with my Mom's amazing ability to play whatever sheet music is placed in front of her).  I've learned from my last musical that sixteen songs might be TOO MANY.  So, there will only be ten.  I just started writing my first this week.  It's called "Eighteen Years."  Sometimes I sit at the piano not knowing what is going to spill out and I just play.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it's really frustrating because it either sounds like everything else I write, or I simply do not have the ability to play the style that I hear in my head.  But sometimes something magical happens and I somehow manage to write something really special.  My first song is almost there.  It spilled out of me.  It's special.  But it's not quite right.  I've learned from my friend, Mark Mitchell, that I should LOVE each song that I release.  If I don't love it, then it's not done. Best advice ever.  It's allowed the best of my perfectionism to come out and dominate/shine where it needs to!  I am really hoping that I can be finished a year from now.  Which means I will not be sleeping for a year.  What are my plans after that?  Well.  I'm going to put it on stage, dang it.

And then I will sleep.    

Creative Littles

Every once in a while among the chaos and craziness that is my life, I have tender mercies called children.  Sometimes I do not call them tender mercies.  They have many names.  But sometimes they are so cute and I am so proud of them that I count them as blessings.  Lately, Zoe is at just the right age of cuteness and funniness.  With a little dash of weird.  Thanks to having Ellie as an older sister (and thanks to a Mom who occasionally makes her kids get off all things technology), she has found a great love for writing and drawing.  Ellie and Zoe are ME.  Well.  ALL of my kids are.  I LOVED to draw as a kid.  All the way up to my adult years.  Ellie makes me "cards" daily.  Sometimes multiple times a day.  Sometimes she notices that I am having a hard day and draws me something to cheer me up.  Sometimes it's just because.  I have no room for all of her master pieces, and they truly are masterpieces!  She puts hours of work into her beautiful creations and I'm glad she is setting this example for Zoe.  One of Zoe's primary teachers even came up to me after class one Sunday and told me how impressed she was with her drawing abilities for a three and a half year old.  I guess the kids were asked to draw a face, and most kids just scribbled whatever, but Zoe had all this detail and put a lot of work into it.  This makes my heart sing.  I love that my kids love to draw.  In fact, all of my kids are at the table RIGHT NOW quietly drawing.  A Sunday miracle!  I love it.

Here is one of Eleanor's masterpieces. It's a picture of Joe and I getting married in the temple. On the backside she drew the four oldest kids watching through a window. I asked her where Jane was. "Mom! Jane wasn't born when you got married!" Silly me.   And apparently we were married in the Taj Mahal.


And here is one of Jackson's many books.  He's been really into making stories or comics.  I love it.  And although I don't have one of Noah's many drawings or stories in here doesn't mean he doesn't draw!  He is very talented at not only drawing but spelling and often comes home with 100% on his spelling tests.  Super proud Mom right here.  The boys are always creating presentations on the computer as extra for school.  They find different topics they want to write about and find information on the internet for it.  Always, always, always making these.

Easter

We got to enjoy Easter and Spring break all in one fell swoop! And what did we do to enjoy our extra time? Absolutely nothing.  Okay, I guess that's not a fair statement.  We DID do an Easter egg hunt and dye Easter eggs.  We even went swimming as a family.  First time with Jane.  Basically, I held Jane about 99% of the time with her feet in the hot tub (which she loved) and Joe played with the four oldest.  I watched from afar as Zoe almost drowned a few times.  Haha!  I told Joe he just proved to me that he could take the four oldest swimming without me!  And he laughed.  In my face.  Honestly, watching him play with the kids was so great.  And very attractive.  Joe's Dad came to visit on Good Friday and he took Joe and the three oldest on a "hike."  Joe's Mom even came on Sunday to hear Jackson sing a solo in sacrament meeting.  Well, a "solo" line along with two other kids.  He said he was only a little nervous, but not a lot.  They sang, "Did Jesus Really Live Again?"  It was really sweet and he did such a great job!  I was in charge of putting the musical number together since I'm the Primary Chorister and the Music Chairman wanted three kids singing solos!  Well, that was almost impossible to find!  I got quite a few "no's" before I finally asked Jackson.  Who also said no.  But after talking to him, he said would only sing if there was another boy (he refused to sing in between two GIRLS!  How dare I presume!).  So, miraculously, I was able to find another boy and only ONE girl.  That was tolerable enough for Jackson so he had to follow through with our deal.  I'm really proud of him.

The rest of Spring Break was just a lot of sending the kids outside to play or chilling.  I always think I want to do these elaborate trips and have actual plans, but honestly, this was kind of nice.  Movie nights.  Staying up late.  Doing nothing.  Yeah.  It was kind of nice.

Happy Easter!

Done...?

(Written two weeks ago)

Today was a big day for me.  After being pregnant with baby after baby for the past ten years, I went to the doctor and got myself an IUD.  Not just any IUD.  The MERINA!  The Merina is five year device in my uterus that screams, "I'm done being pregnant."  I have been pretty excited about this step.  Until I got to the doctor's office. I started to tear up as I was waiting for her to prepare everything.  It's not a permanent procedure or anything and I can get it removed at any time, but I got really, really sad.  I am sure there will be days ahead where I will be happy about this step, but right now I'm feeling pretty glum.  It's been hard for me to say, "I am done having kids."  But it's even harder to think about having any more.  People ask me all the time if I am done at five.  I say a resounding YES with as much confidence as I can.  I keep thinking it's going to get easier the more I say it, but it's hasn't happened yet.  Every time I say "I'm done" I feel a pit in my stomach.  But every time I think about being pregnant again, I get an even bigger pit!  Haha!  I know pregnancy is really such a small part of it, and the first six months after is also a small part.  But right now they seem pretty darn big.  My plan right now is to be done.  And I am going to take that plan one day at a time.  Maybe to some people this sounds like I haven't made up my mind.  Let me be clear.  I WANT to be done.  I really do.  And I want my heart to agree.  But my heart hurts a lot about this decision.  Jane is six weeks today (9lbs 4oz and 22-ish inches long).  Tomorrow she will be even bigger.  And as she grows, every milestone she reaches will never be reached again.  It will be the last.  There is a small comfort in that finality.  It means that things like road trips and family vacations will get easier.  Add swimming to that list.  Going on spontaneous hikes or bike rides will get easier.  I will WANT to watch the same movies that my kids are watching.  I know in my heart there are things to look forward to and embrace about this next phase of life, but today, I just feel sad.  My family of seven is complete.  (Even typing that just now made my eyes water).

p.s. I don't even like the number seven.    

Jane's Photo Shoot

The awesome thing about having a sister who does newborn photography is that when you have a baby you get amazingly beautiful pictures of your baby! Thank you so much Jenny!  I love them all so much!  You're such a pro and I loved watching you in your element!  And I'm glad you and Sarah were there to lead the way with props and bonnets because I was lost.  Jenny kept pulling stuff out and I was like, "All of it!  Let's use ALL OF IT!"  I think my fav is the red bonnet one.  CHEEKS!  And Joe loves the one where Jenny was able to magically capture Jane's smile.  And then there's the ruffle bum.  And the cocoon.  Honestly, they are all gorgeous!  I just can't believe how many different poses and outfit changes we were able to get in.  Like I said, Jenny's a pro.  Here is Jane at 11 days.

Tiny Olive Photography