Noah is Nine

Happy Ninth Birthday Noah!!

What a day!  When we were planning for this event you were adamant that you wanted it on your actual birthday, not the weekend (even though it meant Dad couldn't be there---he took you on a date instead).  Well, it was the day before your birthday when I realized that the weather was going to take a turn.  Up until this point, it was supposed to be a beautiful day at the beach.  Well.  Now it was going to rain!  OY!  So I spent my morning on the phone trying to organize it for that day (which was  going to be 28 degrees.  Holla!).  After a bit of running around and making phone calls it all came together.  I called the school and left a message with Jackson to surprise you and bring you to the beach instead of go home.  Well.  I got a call from the school and it was you, almost in tears.  "Ethan said my birthday party was today!  But it's tomorrow Mom!"  "I had to change it to today.  It was going to be a surprise!"  (Holding back tears) "But what if no one has presents for me?"  "All of the boys can come and they will all bring you presents!"  After that, he was able to calm down.  Presents are important!  Because I was so last minute with changing the date ahead a day, Noah got a lot of money in the place of gifts and he was just fine with that!

Noah with his bestie, Ethan Johnson.

I was really nervous planing and putting together a birthday party knowing Joe would be gone.  First time without that extra hand.  I was even nervous ordering pizza!  What if it didn't come on time?  What if the boys all got bored?  What if someone got hurt and I was the only adult there?  I even dropped the girls off at a friend's house so I wouldn't have to worry about little ones.  Just ten boys.  Haha!  It turned out to be a beautiful day and all came together! Sure enough it rained like crazy on Noah's actual birthday so we were all happy we moved it to the day before!  The beach is an awesome place to have a birthday party.  The only problem with having a birthday party in such a public place is that you better make sure you haven't left any friends out.  Long story short, I did.  And I felt like a knob when that friend showed up with his family.  Probably top five most uncomfortable conversations had ever (with his Mom).  Thank goodness both Noah and this kid were clueless and they all just played and had a good time.   I attempted to have ONE controlled water balloon game with towels and the volleyball net, but after about three minutes of that I asked, "do you just want to have a water fight with the balloons?" Yes.  Yes they did.  The rest of the time was spent swimming, playing in the park, tag, whatever.  I didn't have to do a thing.  Just order pizza (which did come on time) and "make" a donut cake.  Best birthday ever!

Noah.  You melt my heart.  I was recently asked who was my favourite kid and I said you.  Haha!  I probably shouldn't have a favourite or admit to having one.  I'm sure it will change many times throughout my life where one kid has my heart a little more than the next.  I asked Grandpa B the same question about grandkids and he said, "My favourite is the one I'm with in that moment."  And maybe that's what I should say to avoid arguments later on.  So, what I will say is in this moment of time (if time could stand still) you are my favourite.  Does that mean you do everything perfect and right or listen to me?  Not really.  You are constantly forgetting to unload the dishwasher in the morning before school.  I usually need to ask you multiple times to practice piano, and then I need to sit next to you to make sure it happens correctly.  I often have to check on you before bedtime to ensure that you are, indeed, READING, before bed and not goofing off.  Here is why I love you so much:  It's because your cuteness outweighs all that other stuff.  When you are telling a story or describing something, you really use your hands.  You are so into it, that I don't think you realize how much your body and hands are moving.  It is adorable and I hope you never stop doing that.  I also love your smile.  It is so cute and melts my heart.  You could get anything from me with that smile.  You are also an amazing big brother, especially to Jane.  You will play with her with your whole body and you don't care about looking like a fool while doing it.  All you care about is making her laugh.  You are very passionate about certain things, particularly basketball and hockey.  The first time you lost a basketball game you cried.  I felt so bad.  When the Oilers would score you would holler and jump around.  You have lots of feelings inside that little body of yours.  But anything in life can be solved with a slurpee.  You and I have that in common.  Or maybe it's a life lesson from me that I have instilled in all of you!

I love you Noah!  I hope this year is a good one!

Queen For a Day

Mother's Day this year was the best Mother's Day yet!  I hope Joe is taking notes because he is going to have to figure out a way to top this next year!  Haha!  Actually, all I could think of was, "how can I possibly do just as good for Father's Day?!"  Good thing he will be on a boys only fishing trip with his brothers and Dad.  Maybe that's enough?  Haha!  Joe didn't have any meetings that day, so he was actually able to help get the kids ready for church.  I even ate breakfast because of him.  He made me.  I usually don't get to eat because I am dealing with kids.  He told me to take my time getting ready.  So I did.  I showered.  Shaved my legs.  Did my hair.  Took some time on my outfit choice.  It was great.  And when I came downstairs, I was greeted with flowers, all of the cards that the kids made for me and a bunch of white bags.  Here is where I confess a little something.  The night before, I spotted a Costco pack of Ferrero Rochers hidden away in one of our cupboards, so I just assumed he put them in individual bags with maybe a note inside or something.  Well, each bag had something written on it and I had to figure out the entire sentence like a puzzle.  And the message I got was amazing!  Joe hired a professional cleaning company to come in and spend five hours on our house deep cleaning!!!  He listens!  And yes.  I got a lot of chocolate.  

It doesn't end there either.  He also came and found me at church and took Jane from me so I could actually listen and take something away from church!  Haha!  And Noah was all too happy to follow Jane around during sacrament meeting (he doesn't like to sit there for long and neither does Jane.  We all win).  They handed out roses to all the women after sacrament meeting.  Here are the flowers Joe got for me.

The kids made these at church.

Ellie filled this out for me.  I love things like this.  I chuckled at her response to what I like to do in my free time.  Yup.  Sounds about right.  At least it's not laundry.  I do that far more often, but she would have been absolutely wrong about me enjoying it!

This one is from Noah.  It made me cry.

 Zoe made me a card in her library class, but she said it was so pretty she wanted to keep it!  And Jackson's card to me was in French, so he read it to me and translated it.  He also gave me a potted flower.  I give it a week.

And then Joe made me my favourite, steak and mashed potatoes.  I did not count my calories and just enjoyed it!  He even did the dishes and put the kids to bed.  It was magical.  

Being a Mom is hard and the best.  I love each of my kids and as I was taking my time getting ready for the day I was stewing over how undeserving I am of the blessing each of these kids are in my life.  They bring me so much joy.  I wondered if they meant everything they said to me in their cards.  Did I deserve those words of thanks or appreciation?  And then I recommitted myself to being a better Mom.  My goal this year is to smile more.  I think I'm doing okay at it, but I should probably also add "soft tones" to my resolution!  Haha!  You can't be perfect at everything!

Also, this guy.  My man.  He treated me like royalty for Mothers Day.  He treats me like royalty all the time actually.  I think when you only see each other a few days a week you kind of just have to make those moments together count.  He's pretty good at that.  I am a little less-than-patient with his work schedule and wish he could be around more, but what can I do but "smile?"  He has a job.  It is steady.  And that feels good.  We all appreciate him all the more when he's home.

 Ellie. This girl is going to make me grey early.  I have been back and forth with her grade one teacher about her behaviour at school, and she says she is improving.  She used to constantly tell her teacher multiple times a day that she is not feeling well and needs to go home or rest in the office.  And now it's down to only once or twice a day.  Sheesh!  I got her blood work done so that I know I did my part, but she is healthy.  She has also become a moody teenager.  Jackson and Noah went through this when they turned seven.  Problem is she's a girl.  Meaning, her mood swings are nuts!  Happy one moment, screaming the next.  Anything sets her off and then the next moment she comes out of her room after slamming the door to tell me that "Jesus talked to me and helped me calm down."  Oh boy.  I am learning to laugh about it.  I am hoping I can teach Ellie how to do that.  She is a tricky one and has been since January.  When she is her regular self, she is an absolute dream to be around.  We laugh, she's articulate, and we have a good time.  I am hoping my regular Ellie will come out more and more.  Perhaps we all just need some of that Summer sun and no schedules!

 Ellie is very proud of her new ability to read chapter books.  She loves to read!

Ellie has also discovered that she is a talented hair dresser.  I taught her how to do a braid on her Barbie and now I get to have my hair done all the time.  Ellie played with my hair last Sunday for a solid thirty minutes while I practiced piano.  It was heavenly!

Jane.  Oh Jane oh Jane oh Jane.  You are still the most loved and adored in our house.  Daily Jackson says, "Jane, you are adorable!"  And it's true.  Zoe tells me I am NOT allowed to get you in the morning without her.  That is how much you are loved.  And when I forget, major doghouse for me!  Everyone dotes on you.  And although you are super busy, I can't help but miss you at the end of the day once you've got down for bed.  I mean.  I'm ready for the break, but I also take every opportunity to check on you before I got to bed and if you so happen to wake up, then we snuggle in the rocking chair together.  Oh darn.

We visited Great Grandma Burnham and you got to sit in the Brigham Young chair for the first time.  He is your Great x6 (maybe x5?) grandfather.

Touching a blanket equals finger inside mouth.

One afternoon you just kept coming up to me and hugging my legs.  And then the cat got a turn.  And then my legs again.  It was glorious.

Zoe.  Still the sassiest and loudest personality in our home.  It is what I love most about you.  It also makes me worry about what amounts of which personality you will let out in front of your sweet Kindergarten teacher next year.  I am sure to hear stories of bossy behaviour and potty talk.  And I am sure I will laugh at each one.

Making cookies on a Sunday afternoon.  It was a half hour of bliss because you both knew if you fought, you would be out of the kitchen and would not be allowed to help make cookies.  We need to make cookies more often.

 Practicing her wink for all those Kindergarten boys.  Haha!  Just don't ask her to wink on the other side.

 Noah.  I love catching moments like this.  We have been trying to make an extra focus with the boys to have them read their scriptures on their own time before bed and say their own personal prayers.  I have been especially impressed with Noah.  He is often overshadowed by Jackson because Jackson is a little more obvious in the ways he loves and serves.  Noah has a more quiet way about him, but he will still do what I ask.  His outbursts have been less and less which has been great.  I'm not sure why.   Maybe he's more secure in himself.  Maybe I am hugging him more. Maybe because it's almost Summer and he's outside more and more.  I feel the same way!

We are bringing out the Faith in God booklet and really trying to focus on more and more goals.  That booklet is so great!  One of his goals was to talk with me about baptism and the sacrament and how they correlate.  We had what I thought was a pretty simple conversation about it and then I asked him to go write his thoughts down.  Well.  He comes back twenty minutes later with an empty piece of paper.  "Mom.  I don't know what my thoughts are."  Haha!  Glad our talks are memorable.  So, I sat down with him and we wrote it out together along with pictures so it would hopefully make a little more sense.  He presented it for FHE the next day.

I love tucking the boys in.  This is the time when they will actually visit with me and I love the things they talk about.  Usually it's about their day.  On this particular night, I watched Noah decide which stuffy he was going to sleep with that night.  He has a massive pile in the bottom corner of his bed.  He had them all battle it out against each other.  It.  Was.  Adorable.  This cute little Easter bunny was the macho-ist that night and won the honour of snuggling Noah.

Why do we go into pet stores?  I don't know.  Heart.  Broken.

Jackson.  You have become a little man.  Who am I kidding.  You were born a man.  An old and very mature one. You (and Noah) are at a stage in your life where you are getting really fun to hang out with.  Last weekend we ditched the girls and I got to spend a day with you boys at Galaxyland.  It was so fun!  Dad had friends he had to entertain otherwise I'm sure he would have loved to join us, but I was happy to be the cool parent for once.  I tried to keep up with you guys by going on all the same rides as you boys and it was a blast!  I did lots of screaming.

"Jane, you're adorable!"  You are so willing to be Jane's buddy and take care of her.  It means the world to me, and what's more, I trust you with her!  And boy does that feel good.

As I mentioned before, I love hanging out with you boys.  We watched the playoffs together, mostly with Dad too.  But even when Dad was out of town, we still hung out.  It basically felt like Dad was there because both of you boys would spew out whatever Dad might say to a bad call.  One of my favourite things about you Jackson is your ability to throw around big words.  It makes me think of your Uncle Bobby and your Uncle Jared put together.  There have even been times where I have never heard the word you used, nor do I know if you're using it correctly.  But, you say it with such confidence that I believe anything you say.

 The kids made us watch "A Dog's Purpose" on Mothers Day.  Mostly Noah was pushing it.  Pretty sure it was his attempt to warm my heart towards puppies and speed up any solution to getting a dog (which we are not getting any time soon).  The boys were having a movie night the night before and had already watched it with their friends, Jack Doney and Will Moore!  I told them it was a cry movie and all those boys still wanted to watch it!  I came down after the show and they were all in tears.  Haha!  So, I was surprised that Jackson and Noah wanted to watch it again.  They both cried again.  Haha!  And so did I!!  It worked a little bit at softening my heart.  Only a little.  But as we watched, Joe fell asleep holding my hand.  I wanted to take a picture of it to remind me how lucky I am to have him in my life.  He is my rock and protector and makes me smile.  I especially notice the lack of his presence when he is working out of town because I never want to go to bed.  I hate laying there by myself.  I hate knowing that I am alone.  I hate the feeling of being out of touch if we don't get to call or text each other before bed.  I suppose if I force myself to look on the bright side, the times he is home is all the sweeter.  Thanks for giving me such a wonderful Mother's Day.

Sports. And Slurpees.

Jackson and Noah started Spring basketball.  Everyone told me not to do Spring ball.  And now I know why.  Calgary has try-outs for their league and most of their teams have been playing with each other since the Fall.  Boys that don't make these teams come to Okotoks because there are no tryouts, only tiering.  Jackson and Noah have not played a "real" game with a ref, ever.  Only practices and scrimmaging.  So when it came time to tier them, they were in last place.  Actually, Jackson is better than that.  I begged to have them on the same team for convenience-sake so the guy in charge said that whoever was the lesser player of the two, that's the team they would both be put on.  Well, I was frustrated to learn they were in the lowest division (and didn't agree at all with that decision).  But, I still wanted to give them the experience.  Well, the first game day was horrendous!  They lost every game (four games).  Half of the boys on the team looked like they had never touched a basketball before and there were a couple that even turned away from the ball when it was passed to them.  Haha!  I could see the frustration on my boys' faces because they are actually pretty good.  I'm not sure how they ended up in this div.  I guess everyone else was honestly just better, but we have had a "Mighty Ducks" experience this season.  I mean, we still lose every game, but we are getting double digits now, and the boys are playing as a team, which means, they are catching the ball when it is passed to them.  Haha!  And even getting rebounds!  After the first day of games, Noah was in tears.  I almost was too.  It was really frustrating for all.  And even after that first week of stringing, they are still playing teams that are far better than them.  But I am proud of their improvements.  Noah doesn't cry after losing anymore, and Jackson's first response after losing for the second week in a row was, "but, I learned something new this game!  That guy I was guarding was a wall and I totally got around him!"  Had a good chuckle over that.  Noah took a little longer to have that kind of spirit.  Now they go to games knowing that they will probably lose, but they not only look for improvements in their game (you can only go up, right?), they also look forward to the promise of a slurpee at the end of each game.  And so do I. 

Another game we have been obsessed with is hockey.  The Oilers made the playoffs, so we religiously watched every game together with the boys.  They beat the Sharks and then lost to the Ducks, game seven.  SO frustrating and so sad (terrible reffing).  But at least we got to yell at the screen while drinking slurpees and stuffing our faces with candy.  It was fun family bonding time with the boys.  Next year will be even better and we are all looking forward to it!  Go Oilers! Go!

Easter

 Jackson and Noah had a basketball game during Easter weekend, so before heading out to Lacombe to visit Joe's fam, I made the kids an Easter breakfast feast!  I tried having a lovely discussion with them about the true meaning of Easter and then Ellie and Zoe were like, "Hey Mom?  Take a picture of this!"  I think I'm getting through.

Upon looking at these pictures, I have decided I need to use my good camera more often.  Anywho, Easter was kind of a mess.  We decided to go to Lacombe for the weekend with everyone.  I love visiting with all the family, but lately it seems too chaotic to enjoy.  All the grands seem to be at a very busy age and we rarely seem to get a chance to just sit and chat.  Joe and I were lucky though, we got to sleep in the fifth wheel with Jane and the other four kids got the motorhome.  Which means, we didn't have to wake up at the crack or dawn with all the other grands who do not sleep in!  Haha!  Mom set up an Easter Egg hunt and put together baskets for each grandkid.  WAY more intense than anything I have ever done.  The kids loved them.  Also, I think the boys have discovered that the Easter Bunny isn't real.  Dang it.  I hope they don't put two and two together.

Anywho, the kids got to find their baskets in this beautiful back yard.  I mean, if this was November, I could seriously say this.  But because it was April, this is complete sarcasm.

I think one thing I enjoy most when getting the kids together is the love that Noah has for Harvey.  With Noah and Jackson being the oldest cousins, they have felt left out for a long time.  Lots of girls in between and lots of babies.  But Harvey is no longer a baby, and therefore since he is a boy, he is the best!

The other thing I love most about getting together with family is that I get to ask Celeste to cut my kids' hair and she actually wants to!  For now.  I wonder if we should have left the man-bun for Jackson?  Haha!

Remember when I was talking about the chaos that ensues at Granny's?  Well, this is one of the many crazies.  And boy was she crazy that weekend.  Into everything!  She is the reason I could not sit.

And then we coloured eggs.  Thank goodness Auntie Nicole actually likes doing this sort of thing.  I mean.  I was there helping, but she actually coloured.  Jackson was pumped when he realized that among all of Granny's hoarding, she happened to have stuff to decorate pysanka-style.  It was stressful with all those kids.  And you guessed it, one of the cups got dumped all over the table and floor.

Sigh.  One day having holidays at Granny's won't be so stressful.  I think?

Why Am I Here?

We have 11 o'clock church.

The end.

The end of my life because Jane takes a morning and afternoon nap still.  She naps at from 10:30-noon and 1:30-4:30pm.  It is wonderful on every other day of the week.  But I have trained a crib-snob so when Sunday rolls around I want to die by noon.  She used to be able to fall asleep in her car seat, but she's not that little anymore so she no longer fits in one.  This means, I need to hold her.  When I used to nurse Jane, sure, she'd occasionally fall asleep in my arms.  But since she has been weaned, she has not, and I have not bothered or needed her to!  So, today after roaming the halls during sacrament meeting with a wiggly, heavy and screaming Jane, I wondered to myself, "why am I here?!!!!!!"  I remember a friend of mine saying that to me in the Mother's lounge once.  I was young and thought I knew everything and probably only had one kid.  It was EASY for me to say, "It's because you have a testimony of God and you are here to not only partake of the sacrament, but also stay to worship him.  And if you are stuck in the mother's lounge for the entire three hours, you are here to create good habits."  I still believe that's true, as self-righteous as it sounds.  But today, when I tried to sit down in Sunday school with Jane after already hearing her scream into my ear for an hour, she refused to settle and continued to scream.  Why don't I go to the Mother's lounge and wait it out until she falls asleep in my arms?  Well, honestly, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!  Why don't I just go home?  I'm not hearing the Sunday School lesson in the Mother's lounge where Moms are trying to quietly nurse their babies.  Why shouldn't I let Jane have a good nap in her crib?  So, I left my kids in Primary and cried all the way home.

I was so frustrated and mad that I even broke my fast early.  I sure showed someone!  But honestly, I am not sure that I have a great answer for myself.  I DO feel like being at church is creating good habits and I know why I need to be there.  Never before have I been in a position where I COULD leave my older kids at church so leaving has never really been an option.  Would the Maren ten years ago be appalled at the Maren she has become today?  The Maren who left after sacrament meeting?  Shock and awe!  Everything was so black and white for me then.  I think it still is to a degree.  The difference is, I am weaker.  I could blame it on how each kid has taken a piece of my sanity and I am hanging on by a thread, or that I am tired and my period is nigh.  So.  Maybe I will blame it on those things.  Even without my sanity or tiredness, who doesn't want their daughter to have a proper nap in her own crib?

I feel like the apostles who slept while Christ was in Gethsemane and he scolded them for not watching one hour with him.  This is the natural man in me.  I can't stay at church for three hours with a baby crying in my ear.  I hope God can forgive where I lack, because honestly?  My best is trying to not shake my baby.

My best is the worst.

One day I will get something out of church again, but today is not that day.  So.  I am going to cry and make my broken-fast count by eating lots of peanut M&M's.

*    *    *    *

So, I went to go pick up the kids from church and almost waited out in the hall, but then decided I should just pop in the last five minutes of Relief Society.  So, I slipped in the back and my dear friend Tami Doney was bearing her testimony.  She said God is aware of us and knows us and what each of us are going through.  And then I proceeded to bawl for the rest of my time there.

Thank you for sharing that Tami.  I am here because God loves me, no matter what.  Simple as that.

The Finger

Earlier this week while Zoe was at her library class, I poked my head in the window to see if I could see her.  The librarian was reading a book to the group of children and Zoe spotted me so I gave her a thumbs up. She struggled with which fingers to return and eventually landed with her proud and pronounced middle finger.

I laughed so hard.

I'm so glad we have opportunities to laugh.  Zoe gives me many.  But there is another finger I also want to talk about.

The day after Jane's first birthday, I took away her bottle.  We kind of got into bad habits and gave it to her in her crib to fall asleep with.  She was dependent on that bottle.  Plus, it was time to introduce cow's milk.  So, I just gave her a sippy-cup with her meals and a sip before bed.  She did not like me for a while.  She cried herself to sleep.  We totally undid her ability to fall asleep independently!  Well, one day she stopped crying.  Thank goodness.  I learned when I checked on her that she had made her own solution.  A year of no thumbs.  No soothers.  (Almost) no bottles.  And she decided she was going to use her finger to put herself to sleep.  It is absolutely adorable and she does not fight sleep one ounce.  She just pops that finger in, cuddles her blanket or stuffy and BAM!  She's asleep.  And even when she wakes up in the morning, if I don't get her right away, she is happy to suck on that finger.  Sometimes when I finally get her I wonder how long she has been awake for sucking on her finger!  Self-soothers are wonderful.  But they also aren't.  We dealt with this with Noah when he sucked his thumb.  His teeth started coming in funny and his thumb was always chapped and he depended on his blanket to go to sleep.  He'd see that blanket and in would pop his thumb.  He was four when we finally decided to "lose" his blanket.  And it worked.  I am already wondering when and how we are going to get her to stop.  I also am thinking, who cares right now?  She's cute and she's my baby and let her suck on that darn finger if she wants to!