After my Glenwood trip with the kids I felt like it was time to stop drinking Diet Coke. I have been wanting to stop, but there is never a convenient time to take two or three weeks off due to head aches and irritability and needing daily naps. But I felt so gross after way over doing it with drinking Diet Coke and just poor diet habits in general that I knew it was time. I know this may sound ridiculous to some people, but this is how insane my addiction is: if I don't have the exact same amount of Diet Coke every day at the same time, I WILL GET A HEAD ACHE! It is cruelly unfair. I wish I could take it or leave it, but I have always desperately looked forward to that moment in the day when it's not too early to drink Diet Coke. And sometimes that's 9 am people. It was just getting out of hand. I don't like needing a substance to survive in my life, and boy am I feeling it now during detox. It has been one whole week and I am still getting head aches. The first two days were the worst. No amount of Advil was going to save me on those dreadful days, but thankfully they are past. And I am still alive. And so are my kids. Today was especially tiring. I find myself exhausted with the lack of caffeine and always a lingering dull head ache. If I remember correctly from my last detox, it took about 3-4 weeks of exhaustion and needing naps to get to a better place. So. Mommy is struggling right now. The kids are on Spring Break so every one is home. Actually, the older kids are fine. It's Jane who must know how terrible I feel and is making it exponentially worse by being the typical terrible two year old that she knows is her right of passage at this stage of life. She screams, she hits, she pulls hair, she won't eat her meals, she doesn't want to nap, she is extra cranky for bed. Now that she's not in a crib she can just destroy, destroy, destroy. The more things we take out of her room to save, the more OTHER things she finds to destroy. She is so busy. I can't handle it. At dinner I lost it. I made this beautiful lasagne. I took all afternoon making the sauce, and then putting it together. It was delicious. AND NO ONE WAS EATING IT. And if Joe were in town, which he isn't, he wouldn't have eaten it either because he's on a diet that requires him to eat nothing that I make. I hit my limit. After yelling at the kids for arguing and bugging each other and not eating along with those that were eating but doing it slowly, I left the kitchen table and told them it was their turn to clean up and they could put Jane to bed and that I would be in my room being by myself. I watched three episodes of The Voice like a major sloth. I feel so gross right now and my head is no better. This detox is killing me. I have zero patience and am SO TIRED! Jackson said he doesn't really see a difference in my behaviour, which made me laugh. I guess I'm always a terrible, impatient human being.
Also. Easter happened last weekend. The Easter bunny set up an elaborate egg hunt on Saturday morning and the kids were finding eggs basically all day, because that is just how good that bunny was at hiding. Jane was in candy-heaven, and as mentioned earlier, she won't eat anything else now. All she wants are "jay-buns!" (jelly beans).
We also found time during Jane's nap to dye Easter eggs. I never boil enough eggs. I know it's such a waste because who is going to eat all those eggs, but I find myself wanting to dye WAY more eggs. Note for next year: Spend the money in the name of a special craft, not because you plan to eat them all at some point!
Sunday was April Fools Day. Jackson was SO into it. So into it that he has been planning tricks all month long and woke up at 6am just to prepare everything. Proud Mama right here. He balanced a cup of water on top of of the bathroom door getting Ellie, Joe AND almost me. He put soap on the girls' toothbrushes. He put whipped cream on a kitchen chair (Ellie was the receiver of that one). He plastic wrapped the toilet seat. He put vinegar and other disgusting things in my pop (which I didn't drink because Noah spilled the beans). He put fruit in the cookie jar. And the list goes on. Noah was his little minion and together they went to town! He was so exhausted from all his planning that he fell asleep during the afternoon session of General Conference. As did I. Whoops. Lots of cool changes! Go President Nelson!
Still kicking myself for not taking advantage of this situation. I even had a pen in my hand and missed my chance to show Jackson what kind of magic I can work on April Fools day! Instead I placed dolls on their beds when they were sleeping.
As per usual, all the kids watched the morning session of Sunday's general conference and as per usual I got nothing out of that session. REWATCH! Jane was a terror. She has got to be my busiest child. Either that or I am getting old and just can't keep up! But during the afternoon session we gave the kids the option to watch with us (not one child chose that), or to figure out another Sunday-appropriate activity that did not involve screens. So we got out Noah's Faith in God booklet and he worked on two goals. Not just for fifteen minutes. But for the full two hours. He made a complete board game with his own rules and such that takes you to the temple. It was so cute and I could tell he worked really hard on it. And then he had a scripture goal to read about and discuss the Good Samaritan. I was so proud of him and his focus.
Joe's kind of been busy the past few evenings, so this little girl has been my bud. On this particular night she stayed up late to help me make a cake. Normally I am pretty strict about bed time because these girls can sure get cranky, but it was actually really nice to have a little buddy. Ellie chose to read in her room. But we all scored with cake before bed.
On another night Zoe came downstairs while I was watching Emma all by myself. She said she was worried about having nightmares. I could have rolled my eyes BUT I remember the times my Mom didn't make too much of a fuss letting me stay up a little later every once in a while, so she snuggled with me and fell sleep to the movie. Again. Nice to have a companion to share in Emma's trials.
I am so tired. I know I am extra tired because of my DC detox, BUT I think just being a Mom is exhausting generally. Yes, I'm going back to this rant! The sleeping pic of Zoe reminded me, so I'm back here. Earlier today as I was mopping the floor, I stopped for a moment and realized that my face looked like a zombie. And my body. I feel like no one sufficiently warned me that being a Mom is essentially being a cook and clean and coming in last place. Everyone else is first. Mom wants to do something? Well you can forget about it---there's some sports event or activity that your child has to be at and Joe has a meeting! And if you DO end up getting a small break (which usually just means running errands without kids), good luck coming home. You will likely have twice the clean up waiting for you. I am constantly cleaning. Constantly! But you would never know. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter because whatever you are cleaning now will not look clean in thirty minutes and while you are cleaning, something else in another room is getting undone. I'm just done. Are you allowed to quit as a Mom? I think it's that time of year where I am just running out of fuel and my tank is so on empty and when it runs out I don't know what kind of a person I will be. I know I just posted about Glenwood and my super fun time with friends. But you also have to remember we were all trapped in one house with a million kids and crappy weather. We still had to take care of our kids, feed them, listen to them complain or cry, clean up after them, and put them to bed. I still had to pack up the car for six, unpack, then pack up the car again and unpack and do all that dang laundry (it was all worth it. Just let me complain). I just want to pack for one. What I'd really like is to go on a tropical vacation with Joe, just us, and I don't have to arrange for babysitting. I want zero responsibility. And maybe Joe and I could get to know each other again. "Hey you! I know you, right?" I feel like everyone else and their dog is going on trips right now, and with this winter being as long as it has been, I'm a little stir crazy. And if you are still reading along on my childish journey of a rant, good for you and congratulations for hanging in there. Now you know what kind of annoying things I can go on and on about!
