Stake Musical Theatre Night 2017

There's nothing like the long months of Jan, Feb, and March to throw a million things into your basket?  Basket?  Is basket a thing?  I mean, of all the months I would choose to be busy, it would be those because they are the longest, slowest, coldest months.  And kind of ugly.  And cloudy.  You get it.  Not my favourite months of the year.  After I finished with my Cursed By a Woman workshop I still had a number of things on my plate.  I had my mentorship program where I am currently dissecting my second musical "Feather Pen Fairy Tales" with a dramaturg (a six-month process), I have also been asked to be a director for Moroni's Quest this Summer as well as take on a few musical assignments during the camp.  We have already had some meetings about this and I am really excited about it.  More so now because my Stake Musical Theatre Night is OVER!  Months and months of planning, committing people, recommitting people, recommitting even more people, and then finally just filling in and doing it all yourself because you realize that people suck at commitment.  Haha!  Originally I was only supposed to be in only one number, "Never Fully Dressed" from ANNIE as one of the back up radio girls ("the Boylen sisters") with Kelly Moore and Tanis Taylor.  I made Joe be Bert Healy.  I think he had fun?  Well.  He didn't have a choice.  Of all the numbers, I thought this one was going to be the most work.  I had fifteen girls to teach choreography (ages 7-15) and I wasn't sure how it was going to go!  Well.  It was easy.  And the girls were super eager to learn and every inch of them wanted to be there.  They were oozing with excitement and happiness and they loved the heck out of me.  It was awesome.  They knew the choreography by the end of our very first one hour rehearsal.  And we had four all together (and they begged me for more because that is how much they loved it)!  This is where I thought it would be a great idea to insert four year old Zoe.  She loves to sing and it will be SO cute, right?  Well.  Rehearsals were cute for the most part, but five minutes before show-time, she tripped and skimmed her knee.  There wasn't a band-aid in the world that was going to wipe away all those tears in time for the show.  Ugh.  All those hours of rehearsal time, putting up with "you can have a snack AFTER rehearsal" or "I know you're tired, just one more time!" and trying to get her to listen only for her to not even be in the number at all!  Learning lessons as I go I guess.

(Photos courtesy of Dallin Laqua)

The other group number I directed was "Show Off" from The Drowsy Chaperone.  I was hoping to involve some youth/YSA in this one, but youth are worse than four year olds.  One by one they kept dropping out and at the half way point of rehearsals I had to make a decision and cancel the number because I didn't have time to keep reteaching new-comers.  To say it tried my patience would be an understatement.  I complained so much to Joe (and a select few others) about it.  So much so that I fear I will receive no blessings for trying to fulfill my calling (Stake Cultural Arts Director)!  In its place I begged Tanis Taylor to sing, "For Good" from Wicked with me.  You must understand that at this point, this wasn't the only number to back out (nor was it the last), and I knew that if I was involved it and made my friend join me, we could count on this number.  Plus, I have had a deep desire to sing this song on stage for a while.  There was a Mom and daughter that were supposed to sing this and then they had to drop out, so someone had to do this!  Tanis has a gorgeous soprano voice but is super shy on stage.  I don't get it.  She actually studied opera with Dad at the U of A back in the day.  Yes.  She is good.  We decided that we were going to go full gear with costumes and make up.  She preferred it (even though she was the one who had to paint her face green) because she would rather sing as a character in front of her students and their parents than sing as "herself."  Haha!  When I saw the both of us before "show time" I wanted to laugh because we both looked pretty ridiculous singing such a serious song.  How can one be taken seriously while wearing a massive blonde wig, complete with tiara?  I choked up so many times during our rehearsals.  It is such a beautiful song with a beautiful message, but I had no time to choke up on stage.  Literally the second I pinned my wig on Joe was exclaiming, "You're on!  You're on!  Hurry!"  So, I ran to the stage, got mic-ed, and my heart was beating so fast, which is really annoying when you are the first person to sing and you don't have time to catch your breath.  I didn't sound the way I wanted to, but oh well.  I faked it by "act-singing."  It still makes me a little annoyed because I know my voice is stronger than that, but oh well.  At least I remembered all of my words, which I didn't do ONCE during rehearsals!  Haha!  Also, Tanis and I got to learn how to gaze into each others eyes for very long periods of time without laughing!  We are true actresses now.

The very last act to pull out of the show was my Seven Brides for Seven Brothers number.  So sad about this one because it didn't work last year either.  I delegated this one.  I offered to direct it, but the guy I put in charge said he could handle it and I was more than happy to hear that.  He had a rocky start getting seven grown men together, but he had some last minute health issues and had to pull out.  This is where I decided to enlist my kids hoping to pull on the heart strings of the audience so they could look past the lack of time put into it.  "Trolls" has not only been watched over and over at my house, but also the soundtrack has been played over and over.  Which means the kids know every song word for word.  When I listen to Ellie sing "True Colours" along with Justin Timberlake it makes me want to cry because she sounds so beautiful (so does he).  And then days before this happened Zoe was singing the chorus over and over in a bathroom stall.  It was.... hilarious.  So, I knew she knew the chorus at the very least!  I ordered a Troll wig for Ellie and one for Zoe.  And then I thought this one through.  With only a week and a half to go, I just didn't have the time or patience to teach Zoe the song or choreography, so I bribed Jackson.  As soon as I said he could dye his hair blue like a troll, he was in.  This is how I was able to get away with all the hand holding and twirling.  Joe kept bugging me to teach them harmonies.  At first I resisted because it was just more work in an already super short timeline.  But then I thought, "when else are we going to do this?  Why not try?"  So. I did.  I simplified the harmonies like crazy and even then it was still tricky.  Mostly for Ellie.  Once Jackson had his parts memorized, it was Ellie who kept wanting to sing Jackson's parts.  Haha!  She really did try, but she would get frustrated when she heard herself get derailed and give me this look.  Hey.  At least she can hear herself getting off!  I know we only had a week and a half, but those kids did so great.  They practiced with me every day and it really paid off.  They even got an audible "awwwwwww!" from the audience when they hugged at the end.  It was really sweet.  Makes me glad that things turned out the way they did just so I could have that experience with my kids.  Ellie sure knows how to turn on that cute button and I was so proud of Jackson for overcoming his ten year old self and  for committing to his character, even if it meant dancing with his sister in front of his friends.  Well done kids.  I was really worried that Noah might have felt left out, so I asked him straight up before we even started rehearsing and he was like, "NOPE!"  But then after the show once he saw what it was for he was like, "Well, if I knew it was for this I would have said yes!"  Haha!  Good to know for next time.  That boy surprises me sometimes.....

I told Sarah and Jenny that if I ever decide to do this again next year to tell me NO MAREN!  DON'T DO IT!  Haha!  What I really mean is this:  If you are going to do this, clear your plate.  Or empty your basket.  Or whatever.  Make sure this is the ONLY thing you have going on because it will take over your life until it's over.  Totally work with girls 7-15 again because they are the best.  Do not bother with the youth because they are too busy and too cool.  Or if we MUST have youth, choose a soloist, that way if they back out, they aren't wrecking the entire number.  Delegate a little more this year to someone you trust will do the job!  Perhaps there are others out there willing to choreograph numbers.  Find out who they are and use them.  Stop trying to do this all yourself.  Because yikes.  You will have no hair left.

The end.

Family Gym, Skate, Dance Day!

 Family Day happened a few weeks ago, and usually things like this come and go and we do nothing.  Not this time!  We went to the rec centre and played in the gym (they had bouncy houses and everything), and then we went ice skating and afterwards.  I know I wrote about this briefly in my last post, but I have more pictures!  And I can't say enough of how much fun it was to spend such quality time with Zoe.  The others went with Dad to go skating about a half hour before Zoe, Jane and I joined them.

We also played a new version of "Disney Dance."  It was so fun watching the kids all dance together and try to follow the choreography. Ellie was SO into it AND she is really good too.  She could dance forever.  Zoe was also really fun/funny to watch.  She didn't have as much patience and would get frustrated with herself for not being able to follow the dancers perfectly.  We had some tears, then after I talked to her about just having fun, she turned her attitude around and was like, "Good for you Ellie for getting the crown.  It's okay if you get the crown.  You can get more points than me"  Haha!  Jane tried to get into it to.  Aaaaaand got stepped on.

Atheism. Grandmas. Job Offers. Motherhood. Blinking.

I had an interesting week last week.  I was preparing for a talk in church, spoke to Grandma Burnham about death, talked to Mom about her experiences with her Mother, got a job offer, and finally asked my sister Jenny after over two whole years of not breaching the subject why she chose to be atheist.  I'd say that was a solid week.

Let's start with atheism.  When Jenny left the church over two years ago, nothing was said face to face.  It was all written in messenger.  Probably because we were too scared to talk to each other about it face to face.  Maybe things would have been said or done differently had we been looking into each other's eyes.  I don't think she would have un-left the church, but I think we would have been kinder to each other about it.  Things got misunderstood and we couldn't talk to each other for months.  It was hard.  Jenny is my best friend.  I hated it. We made a commitment to not bring up religion so this wouldn't happen again.  At first, I thought I could re-convert her.  No.  That was not happening.  It has taken me over two years to let it go, let her choose her own life, which is a GOOD life, and love her.  I finally came to place in my heart where I just wanted to love and understand.  So.  Like we do, we had another internet conversation.  Haha!  This time, there was no passion or aggression and it was actually really nice to read her perspective and understand her more.  One thing she said to me that I totally agree with is, if you are looking for God in things you will find Him.  If you are looking for the science or practicality in things, that is what you will see.  More than ever is faith in God a CHOICE!  Just as choosing to not believe in God is a choice.  Is it a miracle or coincidence?  If you are looking for the miracles in life, you will find them.  My Mom was telling me about when she was a little girl, after her Mom passed away (she was only eight), she cried and cried herself to sleep every night.  Then one night she saw a light and felt her Mother's presence.  She said that that experience gave her such comfort and peace that from that time forward, she stopped crying.  She also spoke of an experience of when she was a young Mom like me, lots of littles, and it was at the end of a long and frustrating day.  She wished she could talk to her Mom.  I know I do that when I am in the need to vent or cry, except all I need to do is pick up a phone and press a button!  As she put her head in her hands, she heard her Mother's voice call, "Helen" (that is my Mom's actual given name).  That experience also gave her peace.  Now, an atheist would say that was our brains doing crazy things to us.  Our brains are powerful and I do believe that they can cause you to hallucinate or make you think you saw or heard things.  Someone like me who believes in God is going to feel uplifted from those stories and call them Spiritual experiences or miracles.  Here's the thing, I know our brains are powerful, but I also believe that God made them that way.  Did my brain think that, or was that the Spirit?  I think a lot of it can be the same thing, but we are just using different languages to explain the same thing.  And THEN, I spoke with my Grandma Burnham.  She is an amazing woman.  Grandpa passed away only a few months ago and she is so ready to go.  Jackson has been asking me about how she must feel.  The kids pray for her every time we say family prayer. It is so sweet.  They are very concerned that she not be lonely!  Well, Grandma told me over the phone she was very ready to go, and she called it a graduation.  Jenny told me that she hopes there is more after we die, but at this point as an atheist, it is unclear, which means she thinks that we die and that's that.  Grandma's beliefs are the exact opposite.  She is so certain that she is going to see Grandpa again and that she is going to live with Heavenly Father.  I know we've been taught that all our lives, but do you ever get to a point in your life where you wonder, "Well, I hope I got it right?"  I mean, I have a hope for those things.  I believe that we will be with our family forever.  But do I know for certain?  Hmmm.  I think because I have a belief in God and that Jesus is the Christ, that I must.  Choosing faith is hard.  It's a lot more practical to choose not-God.  Honestly, I think of the "Tree of Life" vision (that's where I'm reading right now) where Lehi just wants his family to partake of the fruit of the tree (the gospel of Christ) and there are so many who after taking a bite look around and feel foolish because people are laughing at them.  Sometimes that is how I feel.  I feel like I am being laughed at a little.  Not necessarily by Jenny, at least not intentionally.  She would never want to make me feel like an idiot for choosing faith just as I would not want to make her feel stupid for choosing the opposite.  It is getting harder and harder to choose God.  I don't have answers about "God's will."  I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.  That goes on a shelf for me.  That's all I can do.  People want explanations for everything, but the problem is, sometimes we just don't have the answers.  Or sometimes the opposing teams (believers and non-believers) both have convincing arguments.  All we can do is try to live our lives the best we know how and move forward with what we've got!  I continue to choose faith.

On a completely different-ish note, I got a job offer last week as a Musical Director for a Pulitzer Prize winning musical, "Next To Normal."  The premise was really interesting, and super dark, dealing with mental illness.  Theatre can be sketchy, but I checked the content and it checked out.  But one of the rehearsal days was Sunday.  I asked the producer about that and he said, it's all good, I don't have to do Sundays.  Sweet.  Oh hey, and we will pay you!!  My first paying gig.  Yay!  So he sent me the music.  And it was littered with language.  Ugh.  Remember how I said choosing God was hard sometimes?  Well, this was one of those times.  I had a person on my shoulder saying, "people swear all the time, what's the difference if it's in a song?" and "this will be such a good experience for you.  You need to network!"  and "this money will help you pay for your own musical that you want to produce!"  Well.  They were all very convincing voices and all true.  But I knew in my heart that if I was taking the sacrament every week to wear Christ's name, that I would not be doing that by putting my name on this piece of work.  Ugh.  When I compare this to all the things my pioneer ancestors had to sacrifice to wear Christ's name, I feel dumb.  But to me in that moment, I was really sad.  As I whined about it to my Mom, a thought came to me when she said there are probably better things out there for me.  I responded with, "yeah, like be a Mom I guess."  I was being sarcastic, but deep down knew that maybe I needed to make Motherhood more of a priority.  Then that very Sunday we had a lesson in Relief Society about being a Woman of God.  "Just" being a Mom isn't enough in our world anymore.  We are told you have to be so much more to be deemed successful or worth anything.  Well, I will admit getting a job offer made me feel really important and desired in a way I haven't felt in a while.  I felt respected and wanted and recognized in my abilities.  All things I have not felt in a long time, especially not from my family!  My friend, Lyann van Rooyen sat on my bench this Sunday to help me with the kids since Joe was on the stand and I was giving a talk.  I watched her stroke Zoe's hair and help her colour.  I thought to myself, she's such a good Mom.  Why aren't I more like that?  It's not that hard to give your kids that kind of attention.  Unless you are too busy.  Which admittedly, I am.  Adding one more thing to my life would not be a good call.  I am grateful for her example of Motherly love and her friendship towards me.  Maybe I was looking, or maybe I wasn't.  But I think God was telling me to slow down and be a present-Mom.  Before I know it I will blink and these kids will be gone.  I was thinking exactly that as I pushed a cart around Costco today with Zoe.  She starts Kindergarten this Fall and my heart is breaking.

Here are some pictures that remind me all too well that life is going by too fast.

Noah's first year of piano.  Sometimes it takes me having to sit with him the day after he gets new music to get going, but then I am amazed how he soars with it through the week.  He also loves to sing along with the notes that he is playing which melts my heart.  His voice is the cutest.

Ellie got strep.  Twice.  All in one month.  Which means she got a bunny and treated to McDonalds on a Mommy-daughter date.  She ate two fries.

Zoe rolled herself up like a burrito on our bed and fell asleep like this.  Adorable.  And look at those red lips!

On Family Day we went to the Rec Centre where they had bouncy houses and lot of fun activities, like this one.  Zoe and I played with this whiffle-ball set for a solid half hour while Jane emptied all the bins of their contents (rackets, balls, etc), or crawled away from us.

We also went skating on Family Day.

When Zoe is not on a screen, she is here.  At the table.  Drawing.  Hours upon hours are spent here creating.

I love this.  Pretty sure Jackson was drawing something inappropriate here.   Potty-humour related for sure.  But hey.  If that's what brings family together....

Jane's favourite place to be.  Constantly emptying cupboards.

And then climbing inside.

I have been trying to encourage the boys to take time out before bed to not only say their personal prayers, but to also open their scriptures and read a little before bed.  It is a rewarding sight as a Mother to walk in on this.

This is also rewarding.

Cursed Workshop

Photos courtesy of Alysha Sladek Photography

So, lots has happened since my "Cursed by a Woman" workshop.  I was so nervous going in to it, but everyone that came to support me really helped me to feel so loved in the process.  The first day was going over all the music.  Every time I have a group sing those final two pages of "Have You Ever Had a Dream" I want to burst with emotion.  Even the dramaturg I hired (Caroline Russell-King) put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a "good job" nod.  It was a good feeling, particularly because I feel so insecure about my playwright abilities.  The following two days of the workshop were a huge educational experience for me in terms of structure and what makes a better story.  Which basically means, I have to re-write the whole thing.  Haha!  I have about a zillion notes on things I have to change and a very small handful of "good job Maren"'s.  I think I understand how to make people laugh, but I have much to learn in the world of plot development and what should go where and why and character development and, well, everything.  I was worried that it was going to be a difficult process, but I think I knew deep down that I had much to change and if I wanted to be a better writer that I would have to lay aside any personal feelings and open my mind to learning and growing.  A little hard to toss five years of work, but if I call it an educational experience it feels much better.  It makes these last five years an "investment."  I think.

The photo below was taken on our very last gathering where we didn't need the whole chorus, nor could everyone come!  Top row from R-L: Alexa Elser, Mandee Marcil, Alex Toth, Me, Ryan Shiskowski, Stefanie Lis; Bottom Row: Ben Grunewald, Caroline Russell-King, Zach Ayers.  (Missing: Sarah Strong, Alysha Sladek, Tanis Taylor, Regan Wilson, Whitney Smith, Kellee Bowie, Eugenio Hipolito, and Bryan Smith).

Good news is I applied for a Mentorship program through Alberta Playwrights' Network and my application was accepted!  They only chose five in Edmonton and five in Calgary.  The funniest part is I got linked up with Caroline as my mentor!  I am happy to hear it because she has been a huge help with my "Cursed" workshop and I think we get along well and understand each other.  She is also very organized and reliable, not to mention really good at her job.  This mentorship means we get together about eight times throughout the next six months to work on a project.  I plan to use most of our time together to work on my second musical, "Feather Pen Fairy Tales."  Although I love the idea and many of the songs from "Cursed," I need a major break from it.  I just sent her my latest draft (draft four) of Feather Pen, and we will be meeting at the end of the week for the first time to go over it.  I hope I don't have to undo everything like with "Cursed By a Woman."  I have been working on this musical for about a year and a half.  Which really means like two months total.  Ha!  It sits for five months, and then I go hard on it for two weeks and write all the songs in a week.  Haha!  I have written only four songs and I only feel married to one-ish of them, so it will be less hard to make changes if necessary.  I hope I won't have to make too many changes.  I am really happy with where I am at in my script as well as with the music.  We shall see what it transforms into after six months of work!

And can I just add that people in the Arts are just as weird as we all think they are?!  Haha!  Me included.  Sometimes I think my brain is too weird for other people.  And then I get invited to things like a Mentorship Meet-and-Greet and feel perfectly sane afterwards.  The stereotypes are real people!  I was so proud of myself for going and "schmoozing" (because I actually kind of hate networking).  We all got to sit in a circle and each person got to talk about what their ideas were for their play.  Someone is writing about Cannibalism.  Another is writing about a Conspiracy that he thinks is truly going to happen in four years' time (we shall see if he is right).  Another is writing a musical about a transvestite coming into his/her own and that journey.  And another is writing about the journey three couple have trying to get pregnant!  Lots of heavy and dark stuff there.  And then it comes to ME as I was the last to describe my plot idea.  Hahahaha!  I felt like I was in a movie!  "So Maren, what deep dark stuff are you going to write about?"  "Uh.  Well, mine is a bit silly and more of a family show about a man who falls in love with a Princess, only he doesn't know she is the Princess and they get discovered by the King who wants to hang him.  But because the King is silly and loves Fairy Tales, his daughter convinces him that he should allow this man to have twenty four hours to write him the best fairy tale he has ever heard, and if he hates it, he will hang.  If the King loves it, he can marry the Princess."  Haha!  Oh boy, did I ever feel like... well, like a silly Mom with five young kids who was raised on Danny Kay movies.  There is not a deep bone in my body apparently.