Double Digits

Jackson is now officially TEN!  This year instead of having a big crazy party (like last year) Jackson decided he would rather take three of his closest friends to a movie and do a pizza party before the show.  Will Moore, Jack Doney and Brody Colbert (and Noah) went to see the new Harry Potter flick, "Fantastic Creatures and Where to Find Them."  I have been wanting to see this movie for MONTHS and was a little disappointed that Joe would be taking just the boys.  So.  I arranged for a babysitter and joined the man-crew!  And made sure to sit on the far end so I could fully enjoy it.  Haha!

Today is Jackson's official birthday.  Here's the thing about having a party on a different day than the actual birthday, you feel like a schmutz if you don't make the actual day special too!  I ran out of balloons and told Jackson last night that we wouldn't be able to balloon his door like we've been doing for the past... forever each birthday.  His response: "Well, ....can you streamer it?"  Cute.  And Yes.  We did put up streamers.  I guess it still means a lot even in the double digits.  Before Jackson and the kids left for school this morning he was pretty pumped about getting something special in his lunch.  Hmmm....  I DID manage to put a simple birthday note in there, but upon hearing that Joe said his special lunch was that HE was going to pick him up from school and take him out to lunch.  Bless Joe.  Apparently while on their lunch date at A&W (and later DQ for ice cream) Joe was asking about all the things he planned to do this year as a ten year old and Jackson's response was, "hmmm... probably get more responsibility."  "Do you like having responsibilities?"  "Yeah.  Maybe this year I could run errands for you and Mom and babysit for longer and make more meals."  Haha!  "Well what about FUN things?  "I could work on learning more algebra."  Not.  My.  Kid.  And then Joe asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up.  "I want to make video games like Uncle Doug.  And if I can't do that I'll be a scientist."  What will you do for a hobby?  "I like to cook."  And cook is exactly what Jackson did for his very own birthday dinner.  He insisted on making us each our very own specialty omelette.  He got really annoyed when Joe would hover around him in the kitchen and start telling him how to do things.  Haha!  Sarah and her girls came over tonight too and we had a little Christmas piano recital/sing along, complete with family gifts and angel food cake (note to self, store-bought is gross.  Don't be lazy next time and just make one from scratch!).  He finally got his own scooter this year.  He and Noah have been trading off scooter or bike (we have one of each), so now we have two scooters.  Yay!  I'd like to get the boys one more bike so we can officially do family "bike" rides together.  I think it turned out to be a good day for Jackson.  If his spazziness tonight was any testament to how happy he felt inside, it would be safe to say he was REALLY happy.

Jackson, you truly are (still) an old man in a little kid's body (except for when you are being a super spazz like tonight).  I love that you love to learn.  I just got your report card and almost every subject is Mastery, which means well above and beyond.  That makes me so proud of you.  You are setting such a good example to your siblings through your love of learning.  You are also always reading.   Especially right before bed.  Usually I set aside time before bed, but sometimes it's too late for books and even then you will open one up and read as much as you can before lights out (even if it's only a couple minutes)!  And then you will try to engage me in conversation about the facts you just read.  Sly.  Very good at stalling.  You take a book with you any time you know you will be waiting; for example, piano lessons when it's Noah's turn, or at Granny and Grandpa B's when nothing's really going on, or in the car on long drives.  You are still all about your "fact" books.  Jack got you a "Ripley's Believe it or Not" book just on Thursday and only four days later you are already halfway through that massive thing!  Most of the things on your Christmas wish list this year were books.  I think the point is across.  You like books.  A lot.

You love basketball.  You are competitive and love to play.  You EVEN love the drills.  You also love watching the Oilers play with Dad and Noah over some freshly popped popcorn.  And as a true Canadian, you love to play hockey with your Dad and Noah too.  One day I will not be pregnant or holding a baby and I will kick all your bums!

Lately you boys have been making videos on my camera.  It is so fun to watch you be creative and enjoy something that isn't playing videogames.  Which you also love.  You also love playing Scrabble and other board games.  We've been trying to utilize our Sundays more often for playing family board games and I love it.  Apparently so do you.  Exploding Kittens in another (weird but) fun one.

We went on a date just you and me after your Christmas concert last week and it was so refreshing just hanging out and visiting over McDonald's fries and ice cream.  I teased you about the girl you sit beside (Chloe) and you talked to me about pre-algebra.  I feel like maybe you were meant to be born into your Uncle Jared's family, but I will happily take you.

You are always asking me if I need any help.  You are not only super observant but are happy to do the next step: ACT.  Table needs to be cleared?  "I can help you Mom."  Jane is crying?  "I can get her bottle Mom."  Mom is exasperated because she can't keep up?  "Can I help you with something Mom?"  It is the sweetest and best.  Oh man.  I don't deserve you.

Your Dad and I love you lots and appreciate your thoughtfulness and constant love and care.  We are so lucky to have you in our lives.

Love,

Mom

(My pictures aren't uploading right now for some reason so I will post it like this for now and update later.  Boo).

Jane. Sick. Freezing. Santa. Church. Cookies.

Jane.  That girl is getting around!  She is a pro crawler which means I have by default become a pro-sweeper.  Everything goes into that mouth!  Finger sweeping her mouth is just an ordinary part of my day.  I think she has started to figure out that if she doesn't like what she's chewing on, she crawls to me and lets me know.  Ha!  (And whew!).  She also got her first tooth a couple weeks ago and just started clapping last week.  She now pulls herself to standing and took her first assisted steps just yesterday!  She said "Mama" once at Costco.  ONCE!  And hasn't said it again since.  She and the girls love playing with this manger set on the fridge.  Karen gave it to our family years ago and it remains a favourite in our house.  It's a miracle we still have all the pieces!  Well.  All the important ones anyway.

I heart Christmas.  I feel like we can finally start enjoying it.  Christmas shopping is done.  The kids are done being sick (fingers crossed).  And it finally snowed last week!  The kids were really worried about that aspect of Christmas.  But not to worry, the snow came, and it came with a vengeance.  And a windchill.  The kids still haven't had a chance to enjoy the snow because it's been in the minus thirties this week.  I have also had the luxury of driving them nice and early in the morning and hoping our car starts!

Last week, I had all these great Christmas plans that we were going to do and they got ruined by sickness.  I know it's inevitable, but we have been battling sicknesses in various shapes and forms for the past month and a half.  Gross.  But if I am being honest with myself, I am glad they happened now and not over the holidays (even if they were drawn out).  We had to cancel going to the Santa Parade and taking family pictures for Christmas cards and a Christmas brunch that I would have loved to attend but ALL of the kids were home sick at once. Ha!  

(Promise Jackson was sick too.  He was just sick on my busiest day when everyone was home at once!)

The kids that were feeling well enough on this particular day I took to see Santa at the library (poor Ellie had to stay home---sad!).  The boys almost didn't come and when I asked them why, Jackson said it was time for them to move on and Noah added, "Yeah Mom, we need our puberty."  Hahaha!  They ended up coming as my helpers anyway, since apparently they need their puberty and don't have time for Santa.  The little kids were all in awe when he entered the room, but when they figured out that Santa was not so good at remembering to show the pictures of the storybook, they got restless pretty quick!  Zoe wasn't having it and finally popped up to stand right beside Santa so she could see.  If you didn't know this about my child, she's shy.

This is Jane's first picture with Santa.  I can tell all she is thinking about is how much she wants to touch that beard.  Alas, she just stared like this for a whole minute while he talked to her.

By the time Saturday came around our kids were pretty much on the mend.  Good thing too because our whole family was participating in our Ward's Christmas Party, "A Night in Bethlehem" where everyone was to come dressed in biblical attire.  It was awesome actually.  They gave us coins as we entered and had various stations where the kids could spend them doing different activities and use them to "buy" food.  Everyone brought blankets and we ate on the floor.  And then there was a program with the Nativity. I was a shepherd and sang in a quartet, "Shepherd's Cradle Song" (so so so pretty!) and did a last minute solo "Away in a Manger" with guitar throughout the program.  It was fun having a reason to pick up my guitar again.  It's been a while.  Joe was a wiseman, and the kids were dressed as angels because they were singing a musical number called "Heavenly Choirs."  It was really sweet.  Jackson and Noah were NOT on board with wearing angel costumes all night so they came as shepherds instead and threw on their angel robes right before the song and flung them off the second they were done!  What a lovely evening it was!

Every year we have to do cookies.  Usually I do sugar cookies, but earlier this week Ellie brought home a gingerbread cookie recipe, so I thought it would be fun to try!  In a perfect world I would have all the children gathered round me with Christmas music playing and everyone happily helping make the cookies!  Maybe even singing along in unison.  This year, I did no such thing.  I made the cookie dough the night before by myself and while the kids were at school I had Zoe help me cut out the cookie shapes while Jane napped.  It was heavenly.  There's something to be said of one on one time with your kids.  I loved this.  Pretty sure Zoe did, too!

I did manage to save SOME fun for the other kids.  After dinner we decorated the cookies and Joe even bought them their very own gingerbread house packet to decorate.  This was the first time in my married life that I made my very own gingerbread house from scratch.  Growing up, we always decorated a gingerbread house from scratch and they were always much bigger than these two houses combined!  The kids sure did ask to help me on my house and I sure did say no.  Like a good Mom!  I don't usually care or am not necessarily particular about having things that are "mine" but for some reason it was just so nice to work on my very own thing by myself.  Joe helped the kids with theirs, bless his heart.  This was not as magical of an experience as the morning I had with Zoe.  Jane was crying under the table because she wanted to be ON the table (she cannot abide missing a party).  Ellie managed to fall over while trying to pick out a jellybean, dumping the entire jar of jellybeans on the floor (she was standing still.  I take it all back what I said about gymnastics helping).  And Zoe was crying because she was straight up tired.  All of these tears at once?  Super fun.  No wonder the boys don't want us to have any more babies because of the chance it might be another girl.

We are trying to follow the "Light The World" program that the church has put out this Christmas.  It's great!  Each day there are different ways we can celebrate Christmas by doing acts that bring us closer to Christ.  After gingerbread houses, Joe took the kids to the library (I stayed back with a sleeping Jane) to "decorate" their giving tree with socks and mittens to give to children in need.  This program has really brought Christ into Christmas for us this year.  I look forward to more Christmas adventures, sick-free and hopefully a little warmer.

Merry Christmas!

Bomb. Dropped.

 Jane.  Beautiful Jane.  Perfect Jane.  My last baby.  I've been telling myself that since the day I found out I was pregnant with her.  I have been counting everything as my last experience.  The last time I will feel this baby kick inside me.  The last time I will have "morning sickness" (all-day/all-pregnancy).  My last birthing experience.  The last time I will nurse.  The last time I will see 0-3 month clothing (and so on) as I box it up and give it away.  Everything has been the "last" with her.  I have had to do that to myself to tell myself that it's okay for her to be my last.  I can be done.  And each time I have said it, I believed it more and more.   Some days I don't even like being a Mom (is that terrible to admit?), so why is it so hard to believe that Jane is my last?  Being a Mom is hard.  My kids just got over a month's slew of runny noses and coughing only to have Noah barf a few days ago, accompanied with a fever.  Ellie came home from school early today with the same flu bug which means we probably need to cancel our weekend plans to visit Santa, go to the Santa Parade, take family pictures in the beautiful newly fallen snow and I don't know what we're going to do about our Ward Christmas party that Ellie is singing a solo in.  Joe just got back into town only to leave again.  Jackson just told me last night that he wishes he was younger again because we spent more time together as a family back then.  And then my heart breaks and I want to cry silently into a pillow.  I know this is not even the worst of it.

And then I look at this face.  This beautiful perfect face that I am so in love with....

And I think, am I done?  I asked Joe what he TRULY thought a couple days ago because he made a passing comment about it a few weeks ago and we never got back to it.  His response was not what I was expecting.  Before getting pregnant with Jane, Joe had told me that he felt like our family was done, just the four.  I did not feel that way (I also think he just didn't want to see me go through another miscarriage again).  It was me that wanted another and he supported my decision.  We are both obviously so over the moon to have Jane in our lives.  Our whole family is in love with her.  Joe's response was that he felt like there was one more waiting for us.  He also said it was entirely up to me!  Well.  I'm not sure what to do with that.  I have been telling myself over and over that we are done.  Jane is the last chapter in our lives.  I think I finally believe myself.  So to hear Joe say that he thinks there is one more is kind of.... lots of feelings.  We wrote out a pros and cons list like a couple of nerds.  We all know what the cons are.  Being in pain and throwing up and not being able to take care of my family (especially Jane at such a busy age) and being tired and cranky and losing my sanity and generally just not being able to give each child the attention they need.  BUT, one of the pros is that our family will no longer be a family of 7 (I hate that number).  Plus, a baby.  A close second.

I haven't made a decision yet.  If you were to ask me right now I would say no.  No thanks.  Don't want to go through it all again.  I've got my blue-eyed baby, thanks (said in a Harry Potter voice).  But if it were right and it was made super clear, I would do it again.

It is anything but clear.