Change

I like to think I am a pretty confident-ish person.  I know I have good qualities and I know I have bad ones.  I am usually pretty good at accepting things I can't change about myself.  But this week has been a bit horrifying.  Remember my zombie lips when Jane was born?  Well.  Nothing can top that.  Let's be real.  Looking at this picture, though, I can point out my wrinkles,  how tired my eyes look sans makeup, the zillions of "beauty marks" I am getting, my broken nose, the shape of my hairless eyebrows, the witch-pimple by my chin.  And now I have one more thing to add to this list which I believe to be above all the worst.  I even knew this was coming because it happens each time I have a child.  I lose my hair.  And lots of it!  That's why I always have bangs.  I almost grew them out a couple months back and then I was like, "Oh yeah, what's the point?  I will be going bald soon anyways when my hormones go dumb."  But look.  LOOK how bad it is!  And it's gotten worse since this picture (taken last week).  Almost as bad is finding my hair everywhere.  I stroke my hair and out comes 10 hairs.  I sleep on my pillow?  10 more gone.  Take a shower?  There goes 100.  There are constant hairs on my clothes.  I can feel them brushing the back of my arm.  And if you know me you'll know that if it's not attached to someone's head, it's disgusting!

After all this self-deprecation, please know that I do find beauty in myself.  I like my eye colour.  I like the shape of my lips, and although my nose is broken, I don't mind it.  I like my lady-like ankles and wrists.  And although I am not in the best shape of my life, I know that my tummy isn't so far gone that I can't (kind of) get it back (if you can look past stretch marks).  I can change the cellulite that has taken over my legs during my pregnancy (to an extent).  This brings me to my next rant.  I know it takes time after a baby to get my body back.  But if I am being honest with myself I haven't been trying that hard.  I woke up this morning after a sushi binge (complete with slurpee) the night before and knew it was time to take action.  I usually don't worry about this stuff.  Not because I have a perfect bod already, but because I have accepted that I don't have one!  I have five kids and the best I'm going to get is "decent" with clothes on.  I don't believe in DIETS.  Probably because I associate them with "crash diets" that don't work.  I believe if you eat everything within moderation and watch your portions, you don't have to say no.  You just have to know when to stop.  Well, I think I may need a kick-start there.  I have started to work out regularly, but my diet is crap.  My excuse is that I am nursing and Jane will eat it off my body anyway!  Well.  She's not.  Have you seen how skinny she is?  Do your job Jane!  And although I am seeing small changes from trying to get fit again, I know I won't fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes unless I make some diet changes.  Mean.  I love my late night slurpees.  And day time slurpees.  I love my chocolate after every meal.  And all throughout the day.  I love my baked goods, especially chocolate chip cookies.  Brownies are also on that list.  I like sugar, okay?  I am amazing at meal times though.  I take smaller portions and make healthy meals.  Usually salad-heavy even.  I'm a star!  It's all the stuff in between and after.  From experience, I know the best route is to drink more water, limit my sweets and absolutely NO sweets after dinner.  If I MUST snack, let it be edamame beans or a piece of fruit.  I'm ready for it.  I will be the grumpiest person you've ever met for a time, but usually after a few weeks I'll regulate again (hopefully).  But my poor children in the meantime.  I don't have a scale so I don't know how much I weigh, but I am between a size 8-10.  8 is even a little liberal.  I squeeze into a select few pairs of looser fitting 8's.  I would love to drop a size or two and comfortably be wearing 6-8 clothing.  Right now I do a lot of wearing the same outfit three days in a row because I refuse to spend any real money on a bunch of clothes I won't need by the end of the Summer!  At least, that's what I'm hoping.  I don't really have any concept of how long it will take me to drop a size, but five pounds by the end of the Summer would be nice.  I am noting this because I am not interested in posting a pic of my body (my receding hairline is enough humiliation for one post).  Let my words suffice as a "before" and I'll check back in at the end of Summer.

p.s. I hate Jillian Michaels.

Summer Reads

I feel like the title to this is super misleading.  Like I should have a list of books that I'd like to read during the Summer, which is a great idea.  But I haven't read a book in MONTHS!  I need a list.  Feel free to suggest some good Summer reads.

This Summer we have instilled a few rules before the kids have any screen time. Thus far, the girls stink at it (because I stink at re-enforcing it). But the boys have responded really well with crossing their "to-do's" off their chart.  They have to clean their room, make their bed, do one chore of my choosing, have 30+ mins of creative time and 30+ mins of outdoor/active time.  And they have to read their scriptures and a book of their choice for at least 20 minutes collectively.  Since they have been staying on top of all these things every day, they are ready for screens by 9am.  Joke's on ME!  But I have found that because they have all these other things that come first, they often get distracted and enjoy these other things more than being glued to a TV or iPad.  It's been kind of great.  We've been going to the library each week so the kids can all pick out some books.  Well, I under-estimated Jackson.  He keeps finishing his books well before the week is through!  (He got three books this last time and he's already finished all of them and it's mid-week).  I love that he gets lost in a book.  He was outside for at least an hour just ploughing through this one.  He doesn't complain that he HAS to read.  He chooses to read.  Makes me feel like I'm doing something right.  It also inspiring.  I used to sit outside and read ALL the time!  I can't even remember the last time I did that.  It's been months since I had the desire or time to sit down with a good book.  I remember people asking me when I had the time to read, and I think what it comes down to is making the time.  Choose a book over Netflix.  Or scrolling through Facebook.  Or doing the laundry.  Haha!  Well, when a book is that good the laundry can wait.

Look at this kid.  He is my twin!  From the skin tone (complete with eczema) down to the scowly eye brows!  I wish I knew more about what my demeanour was like at his age.  I know I was responsible-ish and wanted to please my parents and teachers.  But I also know I was forgetful and clumsy.  If I could be compared to Jackson in the slightest it would be the highest of honours.  I just went through the kids' report cards a couple weeks ago and I'm glad I did it one at a time instead of everyone there at once.  Try to explain to them why Jackson is getting "Mastery" (above and beyond) in everything and they are ONLY getting "Proficient" (spot on).  Ha!  Super proud of my kids.  But I think Jackson may have gotten his Uncle Jared and Spencer's genes in the brain department.  Pretty soon he will only speak computer, "Beep-bop-mope-meep-mop."

Slurpees, Sun and Embarrassing Sisters

The best is that this Slurpee is just about the size of Jane. But that is what I need to survive an entire afternoon at the beach with my chickens.  Nay!  It didn't even last that long.  I need triple the size.  She was working so hard to eat it.  In a few years Jane, you will know the happiness I know.  Bless the soul that invented Coke Slurpees.  And yes, I drank that whole thing.  Like I said.  Triple.

We own three life jackets.  Do I know where they are?  Well, on this particular occasion Zoe especially requested a life jacket so she could float.  This, my friends, is a Christmas miracle in July.  Zoe is the fraidiest-cat in the whole wide world when it comes to floating.  She MUST be clinging to someone, or she will not venture to the deep end at all.  So yes, a massive step!  And the answer to the question above is no.  No I could not find one single life jacket!  Thankfully the beach house has a decent collection, so we had a happy and BRAVE Zoe.  Which means, I now have to watch out for her all the more.  It's great when they are timid with the water.  You know they aren't going in past their knees and will likely make sand castles the entire time.  But now, I need to really watch her.  Plus, she kind of makes sure I do anyways.  "Mom!  Watch me!"  That being said, I am super proud of her and this new step.


It makes such a difference at the beach when the kids have friends.  This is Ellie's friend, Elle Wilson (she also has an Ellie in her primary class, prob why she wants to be called Eleanor.  Ha!).  I basically didn't see Eleanor the whole afternoon (with the exception of checking in for snacks, which is a given with all of the kids).  It just makes me so happy to see her being enthusiastic about playing with friends.  And it's kind of nice for me to hang out with the Moms.

What also makes these trips not only bearable but enjoyable is having Sarah there.  You would think with us living only 20-ish minutes away from each other that we would be hanging out every day, all day!  But.  We don't.  And I think I've figured out why.  Our kids have stolen our lives.  Haha!  But it's true.  The older your kids get, the busier you are with their schedules.  Plus.  Sarah works, so it's basically all her fault.  Haha!  But for reals, when we do get a chance to get together it is so nice.  Sarah knows me the most, and I will add Jenny, and I can be real with them.  And Sarah loves my kids so she will actually help me or can see when I need a hand, because yes, it IS overwhelming sometimes going anywhere with five children.  Especially when one of them is a baby.  And when one of them is named Zoe.  Thank you Sarah.  I hope you enjoy these beach days together as much as I do.


Above is Jane's first taste of watermelon.  Remember with your first when you were so careful about what went into their mouths?  Jane has also tried popsicles which I know I would have NEVER done with my others.  I'm so chill now.  (Eye roll.  At myself.  Because I'm not.  But I want to be).

Below is Noah trying out a friend's toy.  Sliders?  I don't know what they're called.  I'm super cool like that.  But he had a great time.  In fact, Noah surprises me sometimes.  He is pretty fearless.  I guess that's not totally surprising given what he was like as a toddler.  He will basically try anything.  He didn't even blink about bridge jumping in Glenwood.  He saw Jackson and his Dad do it, and he was like, "Okay.  I got this."  Same with at the skate park a few days ago.  Directly beside the splash park is a skate park.  If I was a kid, I would be terrified of all those older kids around me, but Noah waltzes in there with Jackson like he knows what he's doing (he doesn't), and kills it.  He's pretty naturally athletic.  Which is good, because he's like me and doesn't have the patience.  Also, can I tell a funny story?  Noah has been very aware of social status lately.  I think.  Because we had all biked to the park earlier this week and he comes up to me very agitated, "Mom, can we leave?"  Well, we had only been there like ten minutes so I said no.  "How about I just bike home on my own?"  Um.  No.  Why do you want to leave?  "Zoe is embarrassing me!"  What is she doing that's so embarrassing?  And then I turn around to find her with her shirt folded up showing off her bare tummy with rocks inside making this weird/silly face and just being straight up obnoxious.  She also has wet pants and is covered in dirt.  "See Mom?"  I laughed so hard.  It also kind of broke my heart a little.  Why does he care?  And who is he trying to impress?  I literally looked around the park and there was a couple sitting on the bench and a few other kids minding their own business in the playground that he didn't know.  But that was it.  What happened?  I tried to have a one on one talk about it on the grass, but he was so embarrassed that he chose to hide behind a bunch of trees instead until we left!  When I talked to Noah later about it he got all agitated again and said he was just embarrassed because there were big kids there.  Oh man.  He's eight.  EIGHT!  What eight year old cares?  Anywho, made me kind of sad.  It begins.  I ended up having a nice conversation with Jackson while Noah was hiding (since Noah wouldn't).  Basically we concluded with, it doesn't really matter what people think.  I hope it sticks.

Jolly Jumping Jane

Jane's newest joy in life is her Jolly Jumper.  You'd never guess it by the look on her face, but I promise she can't get enough of this thing.  She is squealing and cooing and sucking on anything she can shove into her mouth (she's in it right now).  The only pictures that turned out were the ones where she was completely still.  So, in this first one I can only imagine while she was zoning that she was thinking about how happy she will be once she starts jumping in one mili-second.  The only draw back is that when I try to hold her on my lap she must continue to be jumping at all times.  I was going to say that I don't continually sprout out songs like her Jolly Jumper, ...but, well that would be lying.  She is going on two minutes of straight jumping!  Haha!  How are her thighs supposed to get thick if she is working this hard?  Jane is five months now and at her check up last week she was almost 13 pounds.  Almost Jane!  Still the 15th percentile, but on the curve, so we're good!  Her height is in the 50th percentile, and her head is still in the 70th percentile.  Haha!  Thanks Joe.

I can't even express how in love I am with this girl.  There just aren't words.  Every night before bed I go into her room just so I can look at her one more time before I close my eyes for the day (also to see that she is still breathing because I am paranoid like that).  And when she wakes up in the morning, lately I have been taking her into my bed to nurse her so I can get an extra hour in of sleepy time.  She usually falls back asleep for a while but when she wakes up, it is just the best delight in the world to hear her talk to me.  She's learning how to use every possible dynamic in her voice, high and low, and throwing in new consonants every day, not to mention the odd ferbert.  We can lay there and have a conversation forever, but at some point I have to get up and change her diaper and get on with the day.

She's at that lovely stage of nursing where she likes to check in with me every so often.  "Oh, hey Mom.  Just wanted to look at you.  I'm so excited to be your child!  Nom-nom-nom-nom....  oh hi again.  Are you still looking at me?  Just wanted to check.  Nom-nom-nom-nom.  Hey Mom.  Nom-nom....  Just wondering if I smile at you if you will smile back.  Oh you will!  Great!  Nom-nom-nom-nom."  It's hilarious and adorable.  But not in public.  "Hey, why are you covering my face?  I want to look around at every possible sound that comes my way!  Nom-nom.  Still covered.  Dang."

I still have hope that Jane will keep her blue eyes and about a month ago Joe finally conceded that they were, indeed, blue.  I'm not crazy!  You may look at them and they are obviously blue, but many of our kids started out with blue eyes so I never know what colour they will end up being.   But then last week Joe noticed some grey around the ring of her eyes!  How dare he!  I don't think they will be the crazy bright Burnham blue, but I think they will stick.  No matter what, she is so beautiful it hurts!  I have been feeling that way about all of my girls lately.  They each have their own unique features that make up who they are and I am in love with each one of them!

Mary Poppins

Today was a sad day.  Today I was released from being the Primary Chorister (a.k.a. Mary Poppins).  It is by far the funnest and best calling out there!  Meaning, this day was by far the saddest and mourn-iest day ever.  You get to teach kids songs by playing games every Sunday.  Songs+games.  What more could I ask for?  A break from my baby for two hours?  Done!  Well, now that Joe is in the Bishopric he can no longer take care of Jane while I live the life.  So today they did me a solid and released me.  I am so sad.  I tried to see a way I could do both.  Be a mom while still holding my favourite calling, but each outcome I tried to come up with in my mind was too stressful.  I'm either burdening others every Sunday, or praying that Jane will magically sleep in her car seat for two hours (AND I've raised a crib-snob).  Today, I brought her with me to Primary for my last day.  Teachers happily held her while I was up there and I happily took her back when I was through with my part.  It would indeed have been stressful had I tried to keep on this way.  But as we were singing our closing song, "I Love to See the Temple, " and I was trying not to cry, I looked at a sleeping Jane who was being held by one of the teachers and thought, "that should be me."  And I felt glad about it.  Maybe it's the right time.  Jane is my last baby, so holding her while she falls asleep in my arms during church will be a treasure because it will be the last time I do this.  She will be the last baby I walk the halls with.  The last one I hold to sleep.  The last one I take to the Mother's Lounge to nurse or diaper change.  If I am being totally honest with myself, the timing of this release is a relief.  I am okay with this change of direction.  But it doesn't take away that this is all still very upsetting and sad!

Now, not only can I spend more precious time with Jane, but I can also focus on my other calling (yes, I had two), Stake Cultural Arts Director.  I keep thinking that the Stake should put on one of my musicals....  But if the idea is to simplify my life....?   I mean.  What does that even mean?

Alberta Summers

Are we that surprised that this happened in July?  It's Alberta.  This is why I don't garden.  Okay.  This is not the reason.  It's because am too busy gardening my own little family?  Or because I am lousy at it/clueless.  Yup, that's the one.  I keep telling myself next year I will do it!  I will plant a garden.  Now I am telling myself that when we buy our next house, I will really get into it!  Well.  We shall see.  At any rate, this storm was AWESOME!  It's things like this that make me feel so small and powerless when Mother Nature takes over.  There was a RIVER in front of my house in a matter of minutes!  The hail was so loud we had to yell at each other inches away just to hear ourselves speak!  Fascinating.  I went upstairs to check on Jane who was napping.  I thought surely she was awake just freaking out.  Nope.  Fast asleep.  How do babies do it?  I went around the house singing, "Raindrops on roses...." while my girls screamed with every crack of lightening and rumble of thunder.  Yup.  I love a good Alberta Summer Storm.  As long as we don't get flooded in.  Or lose power.  And Joe gets home safe from work.

We went to the beach the following day.

Kinder-Grad

I'm a little slow in posting this, but as you can see, Eleanor graduated from Kindergarten.  This is my first time being to a Kinder-grad.  Haha!  But it was cute.  Basically, Ellie's teacher, Mrs Barrow is a Saint and poured all her heart and soul into these kids.  They each came up to receive a grad picture and poem and sang some songs to the parents.  Then Mrs Barrow read them a special "last day of school" book and they all got to take home a quilt they "made."  Oh man.  She is just the greatest teacher ever and I'm so glad she was Eleanor's.  She just exudes Grandma-love.  And not just for her class, but for all the parents too.  Each time I saw her I too got a hug and a tender moment.  Ellie's always kind of been my "fragile" little girl.  I wasn't sure how she would do in Kindergarten, but having the right teacher makes all the difference.  She went from sitting on her teacher's lap and constantly holding her hand, to being an independent little thing who learned how to make friends.  Although... her report card states that her gross motor skills are the lowest level you can achieve, so it looks like we still have some work to do on her "fragility."  Haha!  The saddest part is this was her final year teaching, so my other two girls won't even have a chance at being so lucky as to have her as their teacher.  As you can see, Zoe is in love with her and her super-fun classroom.  Upon our very first visit at the beginning of the school year, Zoe was playing in the kitchen area/playhouse and I told her it was time to go.  Well.  She didn't want to.  So she grabbed on to the wall of the play house and tried taking it with her as I dragged her out of the room kicking and screaming.  That is just how much fun her classroom is.  Thank you Mrs (Robin) Barrow for being such an amazing teacher!  And thank you for having two "r's" in your name so children like my Eleanor can sound even cuter as she attempts to say your name, "Mrs. Bawwow."

Cranky Canadian

Let's just say it out loud!  Canada Day weekend was the brutes.  That's short for BRUTAL!  I don't even want to remember it.  We stuffed all seven of us into one room, which normally would be just fine because we're all good sleepers and with enough white noise, you couldn't hear a bomb go off.  And to be perfectly honest, I really wanted this room because it was on the main floor (not boiling) and it was the only room with a King.  Well.  We got our King bed alright.  And we got to share it too.  Each of our girls was up in the night for one reason or another multiple times a night every night we were there.  It started with Zoe coughing at 2am our first night, waking up Eleanor who began to cry about how she still hasn't fallen asleep yet to a Jane who forgot how to sleep through the night.  And then it just went down hill from there with everyone catching Zoe's cough/cold (except the boys) and all of us going on about 2-3 hours of sleep per night for the whole weekend. We were all just trying not to die of sickness.  Or kill each other.  At one point I even texted my sisters about how I REALLY felt at 3am, third night in, with my pinky jammed in Jane's mouth because I refused to start feeding her in the middle of the night.  I even missed beef and beans and races to stay home and make Zoe nap.  Kind of the whole point of the weekend.  Honestly, I spent a lot of the weekend just trying not to yell at my kids and trying to keep my eyes open.

But it wasn't ALL bad.  I also tried to have a good attitude, and in those moments I could muster some enjoyable times between a clingy and whiney Zoe and a pink-eyed baby Jane.  I'd say some of the highlights were walking with the boys to get ice cream or slurpees, discovering there was a new splash pad across from the ice cream place, being able to go for a run by myself listening to Erasure while being watched by cows, playing soccer with two strangers from Texas and inviting them to stay the night (I didn't like the staying-over-night part, actually.  The whole time I was worried that they were going to murder us all in our sleep or kidnap our children because that's what my brain does.  I almost wanted to leave them a note saying, "take Zoe!"  We can thank Matt for being way too hospitable!  ...Joe thinks I'm nuts), laughing around the fire-pit at Melissa's poop-humour while cuddling into blankets and devouring Mom's home-made granola bars and root beer, the family dance where all Eric wanted to listen to was the polka and Celeste was best friends with all the kids, the weeny-roast at the river bottom, and discovering that Robbie Weidner has the voice of an angel and sang Hallelujah with Celeste at every possible program-type moment and I cried each and every time!  On a general note, it is always fun staying up late and laughing into the wee hours of the night (I don't think we made it past midnight).  The Lodge seemed to be the place to be and thankfully so, because we were able to put our kids down while everyone came to us and enjoyed a touch of relaxation before heading to bed and not sleeping.  Ha!

I'd say above all, bridge jumping at the dam won the most exciting part of the weekend. The bridge was about four meters from the water and I was determined to jump for the first time in my life!  It was all kinds of frightening but I told myself I was going to do it all in the name of cool-Mom points.  The boys had already gone twenty times---no bigs---and now it was time to go all together.  I was feeling pretty confident until I had to climb over the ledge and turn around to face the water!  Thankfully I didn't give myself too much time to think about it.  Well, Joe didn't anyway because all the sudden he started counting down and I knew I had to jump now or never!  SO I DID IT!  My heart was in my stomach!  I was so scared.  And I totally wasn't ready.  But I did it, and I am so proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone! You have to know I am not a heights person and there is a reason I have not been bridge jumping in all my life, but it felt good to do something a little out of the ordinary for me.  To push myself.  To see what I was capable of.  Pushing out babies and bridge jumping.  Basically the same thing.

And to end my whiney rant, I have lost the battery to my nice camera, so I couldn't even capture some nice shots.  So what you get is whatever Joe and I managed to snap on our phones between taking care of children and napping.  Oh, and a few from cousins that I stole off facebook.  So basically, nothing having to do with anything I mentioned.  A shout out to cousin Robbie for being pretty much the coolest cousin ever and letting my kids play on your hover board basically the whole time.

Oh My Heart

Jane was born with two hemangiomas.  One on her torso that is spreading out as she grows/fading.  And one cute little heart shaped one on her face.  It is the perfect shape for this perfect cutie.  I hardly notice it any more, only when people point it out and tell me it will fade.  It doesn't bother me.  I think it's cute.  But it might bother her as a teenager!  Look at this cute profile shot.  Oh my heck.  I just love this girl to bits.

The Return to Innocence

We made it happen again. Another delightful trip with my besties!  All it takes is planning MONTHS in advance and awesome husbands who take the kids so we can be free for a weekend.  Well.  All but me.  Jane is still attached to me so I didn't really have a choice but to bring her.  Everyone was really good about having a baby around, so I am grateful for that.  But what I didn't love was Jane's 4am wake-up call (along with not napping).  Usually I can let her cry those out (and usually she doesn't wake up that early either!  She hates me when we go on trips....), but here I had to feed her so she would be quiet and I wouldn't wake everyone up in the house.  So aside from getting a few hours of sleep, I had a great time with these ladies.  I just needed lots of Diet Coke and sugar.

Our first night there, Amelia had prepared an awesome Mexican Fiesta!  And she dressed the part as well.  Ha!  I love this girl.  We spent our evening inside, just visiting and laughing.  And Barb introduced me to this new App called "Video Star" so we could make a music video during our trip.  It was so easy!  She introduced it to me because: 1) I enjoy making music videos.  I love directing.  And I love editing.  Well.  Kind of.  And: 2) She didn't want to do it.  Ha!  (I don't blame her.  Sometimes it gets old being bossy and thinking of ideas that everyone will go for).  And since Barb is the leader, I followed orders and we began that night.  Also, we asked Tarilyn to bring her DREAM book and we talked all about some of the crazy dreams we've had.  Very insightful/funny.  We also played a game where we had to go around in a circle and pick out a phrase from a hat along with an accent, and then say that phrase in that accent.  It was hilarious!  I was an angry Asian lady.  Easy.




After my night of no sleep, we ventured into windy Waterton.  It was seriously the most painfully windy experience I have ever had.  Okay, that's not true.  I recall many a time walking to school in the winter on a windy day.  But this was also pretty darn bad.  We even went into the town to see how much toques were!  And also because we wanted to be cute.  Unfortunately, only a few of us "won" there (not a ton of options in June).  But the wind did not stop us from hiking up Bear's Hump!  The nice thing was, as soon as you got going, the trees blocked a lot of the wind and we actually ended up stripping off our sweaters in the end.  Thank you Barb for wearing Jane up and down that mountain!  I was so tired!  But I will say, I was a mite impressed with myself that I could keep up with the likes of Sarah, Barb and Amelia.  They were cruising!  Well.  Not in the way that Kelli and Kristi were moving.  They decided to run to the top.  RUN!  Still have a ways to go before I am joining them.  After having some lunch at the top, we went back into town and did a little shopping and sight-seeing, and of course, more video-making!  After some dinner at Weiners of Waterton, it was time to head back to the cabin.


We were most certainly ready for some hot tubbing at the end of our long day of walking.  Felt good just to sit and laugh some more.  The only bummer was I had to leave that night.  I was planning on staying till the next day originally, but Joe was receiving his call into the Bishopric the next day (which we both found out the day before leaving on my trip), so I kind of needed to come back early to show my support.  I was sad to leave my girlies, but we managed to finish the video before I left and sat around a laptop to watch (we filmed it to "The Return to Innocence" upon my request because we had listened to it a few times at the lodge in Glenwood and thought it would be a fantastic inside joke).  As I walked out to my car and drove away, it was with tears in my eyes.  One reason for those blasted tears was major FOMO (fear of missing out), and the other was gratitude for such amazing women in my life.  It is such a blast when we are together---I just wish those times wouldn't fly by like they usually do.  It's easy.  No drama.  Lots of laughter.  Yummy food (thanks to Andy and her artisan breads!).  And not only do we laugh, we even talk about hard stuff.  It's a safe space for that.  I wonder if I will ever feel this comfortable and happy around another group of girls.  If there is one gift I am grateful for (outside of my family), it is these women.